My Creation Project

I made an album of the following photographs of God's Creation for my Creation project for my freshman core class. My artist statement is also posted below which explains the meaning behind these pictures.
My goal in this project was to illustrate the significance that creativity has on spirituality.

Enjoy! 

    

Capturing Creativity’s Spiritual Significance

            History proves the human need for creative expression, and yet, we often fail to recognize the significance of creativity. At its core, creativity shapes us to become more like God. Before the Bible reveals any other aspect of God’s nature, it highlights God’s role as Creator and the value He places on his creative works. Furthermore, because God made mankind in His image and likeness, we have inherited his trait of creativity, a gift far exceeding monetary value. Creativity’s significance resides rather in the divine effects it has on our spiritual growth: shaping our human hearts, sustaining our weary souls, and renewing our finite minds. 

This photo album, which I entitled “Your Love is Big,” displays some of my favorite pictures that I took of God’s Creation, His marvelous masterpiece. The title comes from my amazement of God’s greatness, love, and creativity, which I cannot separate in my mind, though I attempt to capture glimpses of through my photos. I arranged the photos according to the account of creation recorded in the first chapter of Genesis, but I started with a picture depicting love because “God created the world out of love” (Jacobsen and Sawatsky 30). By mounting the photos on a sequence of rainbow colored paper, my album speaks of God’s promise to and passionate value for his creative works. God’s plan of redeeming creation reveals that the products of His creativity, and thus, creativity in and of itself, possess deep significance in God’s eyes (Van Dyke 85).

Since I am both a child and servant of God, I have adopted God’s deep value of creativity and desire to use mine to glorify Him and to serve His creation. Through my photography in this album, I seek to preserve the beauty and glory of nature and inspire others to appreciate its beauty as well. Not only so, but also as a result of my obedience to creative expression to which God calls us all, other people gain the opportunity to have their hearts shaped, souls quenched, and minds renewed in unique ways by the Creator of Heaven and Earth.

            Photography as an art form has opened many gates through which God has shaped, sustained, and renewed me, particularly in light of severe trial. These photos serve to mark my creative impulse; on a much deeper level, the process of producing them has served me in my spiritual growth, helping me develop resiliency and perseverance through seasons of pain and suffering which otherwise could potentially stifle creativity and suck the life out of a person. It is in this frame of thought that I identify to a certain degree with Alice Walker’s mother, who, regardless of “whatever rocky soil she landed on, she turned [it] into a garden” (31). For her, creativity in the garden gave her the strength to endure the hardships in life. In the same way, capturing glimpses of God’s character in photos of His creation—especially the flowers in my mother’s garden, like the last photo in this album which corresponds to the seventh day of creation when God rested—often provides me with the necessary dose of expressed creativity that God uses to restore my hope and my joy which then gives me the power and grace to persevere through life’s difficulties.

            If we took the risk to express our creativity, believing in its significant transformational power, I know that without a doubt, we would witness a spiritual revival before our very eyes because, as one can see from my photos, God’s love is big.

Works Cited

Jacobsen, Douglas and Rodney J. Sawatsky. (2006). Gracious Christianity: Living the Love We

Profess. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic. 

Van Dyke, Fred. “A Comprehensive Christian Environmental Ethic.” Messiah College, Editor.

(2012). The CCC Reader. Acton, MA: Copley Custom Textbooks [CR].

Walker, Alice. “In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens.” Messiah College, Editor. (2012). The CCC

Reader. Acton, MA: Copley Custom Textbooks [CR].

Cloudy with a Chance of Joy

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 7/52

You could say with a great amount of accuracy that I had my head stuck in the clouds this week. I couldn't tell you why, but for some reason clouds have consumed much of my thoughts, hence, the winning cloud picture for week 7 of my 52 Week Project. Much of my time spent walking to and from class consisted of me gazing up toward the sky in wonder of this curious piece of God's creation. Some people like to think of God as a skilled artist who paints a new masterpiece on his canvas of sky each day. Others take a more scientific view, with concrete explanations for the variances of cloud formations and sunset hues. Either way I look at it, I can't help but marvel at the intelligence and creativity of Creator God.

I'm taking a class this semester in which we've read and discussed many essays on creation and related themes of creativity, conservation, and the like for the past three weeks. One of my main takeaways from this unit highlights the importance of valuing creation. I've always appreciated and enjoyed nature's beauty, but the past few weeks have stretched and deepened my appreciation and enjoyment even more so. In light of the fact that God passionately values his creation, every single part--he saw that all of it was very good--I have come to the understanding that there is more to appreciate, enjoy, and value than only creation's beauty. Although beauty speaks to the depths of my being, I'm discovering a deeper message tucked under the surface of my initial awestruck gaze.

Just as an artist puts his heart and soul into his masterpiece, I'm convinced that has God woven pieces of himself into the fabric of his creation. Each strand encompasses a distinctly divine meaning and uniquely expresses the very nature of God. Up close, we can examine the details of nature which speak volumes by themselves; stepping back, we try to see the whole picture, aided by the gift of photography, bird's eye view images, and our wildly vivid imaginations and memories of nature at its finest. Then we catch a glimpse of the greatness of God.

Taking an up close and personal look at clouds this week, I was blessed on a number of occasions to experience the joy and peace of seeing rays of glorious light beaming down from the sea of clouds above. For some reason, I always seem to acknowledge the presence of light more when clouds also fill in pieces of the picture. The combination of their contrast and reflective qualities with my human attraction and need for light brings me to consider why God would value clouds so much as to call them good. So often, we associate clouds with negativity, gloomy (usually headache-filled) days that block out our dearly loved sun. People usually steer away from others who have "cloudy" dispositions. Cloudy days can really put a damper on our plans. And yet, God declares clouds as good, for they serve the vital role of watering the earth which makes the plants grow, sustains creation, and brings new life.

In recognizing the necessity of clouds, I can see more clearly the necessity of trials. Like clouds, we don't particularly care for trials; both bring headaches, make us gloomy, tired, and desperate for the light. Like clouds, trials can put a big damper on our plans. Like clouds, thank God, trials also come and go. The storms of life may rage for a season, but when the winds settle, the skies will clear. Like clouds, trials can quench our dry and thirsty souls if we choose to dance in the rain instead of hide under our umbrellas of pride, pity, and self-dependence. Like clouds, trials can increase our sensitivity to our need for the Light. Like clouds, trials play an irreplaceable role in growing and sustaining us through the course of our lives.

I'm thankful for the fruit that trials can ultimately produce in us. I'm thankful for the Light of the world that breaks through, beaming rays of joy and peace in the darkness of our hardships. I'm thankful for all the blessings that God's Creation speaks.

Battling for the New

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 5/52
Taken at Midtown Scholar in Harrisburg, PA

A slight breeze of uneasiness often comes over me when I try something new for the very first time. Whether or not the uneasiness blows from the hovering clouds retaining my fear of the unknown, my insecurity, or my doubt, it has the notorious ability of keeping me up at night. At the beginning of the week, I moved my stuff back to Messiah for the start of the spring semester. Initially, I had the hardest time falling asleep in my newly arranged room, but I somehow seemed to wake up ready to take on each new day with a strange, nervous energy. If you’ve met me, you know that I am the farthest from being a morning person. However, the odd combination of excitement and uneasiness rolled me out of bed, most days before my alarm even told me to! And, like most other college students, that rarely ever happens to me.

It has surely been a week full of new experiences—new classes, professors, and books; new hall mates, laughter, and friendships; new blessings, hardships, and opportunities. The picture for week 5 of my 52 Week Project was taken in the Poetry section of Midtown Scholar, an old bookstore/coffe house renovated from a movie theater located somewhere in the city Harrisburg (except I couldn't tell you where because today was my first time visiting the place...another new experience of mine!).  All this newness got me thinking about both the fear and the joy which so often surrounds the new.

We always have a choice when it comes to stepping out and trying new things. We can either allow fear to paralyze us, keeping us stuck in the ways of the old, or we can overcome that fear, and thereby, take hold of the joy, satisfaction, and blessing, which accompanies the new.

Now I realize that not all new things are necessarily good, and sometimes fear protects us from naively entering into dangerous circumstances. However, I think you know that's not the kind of fear I'm talking about. There comes a time when we must put off the old and put on the new, whether we’re fearful or not.

As Christians in particular, who have been made new in Christ, the time has already come. But in case you missed the memo, the time is now. Regardless of your past regrets, regardless of your past mistakes, whether you messed up a year ago or 5 minutes ago, in Christ, you are a new creation. The old has gone; the sin, all of it, has been forgiven, wiped out, erased. Because of Christ’s blood that was shed for you, your future is spotless. You can now clothe yourself with his righteousness, holiness, and dignity. Fear and shame need not hold you back from the joy of the Lord, the joy of your salvation, the joy of living as one who's been made new.

If you’re still feeling a breeze of uneasiness, if you’re stuck in the shadow of the cloud of the unknown, if you have yet to experience this newness in Christ, I would encourage you to take the steps necessary for you to personally overcome whatever fear and doubt are holding you back from acquiring such joy. 

Ask questions. There are answers.

Cry out to God. He hears you.

Let Christ’s love revive your weary soul. He longs to do so.

God, the maker of Heaven and Earth, longs to be in relation with you, longs to make you whole, longs to make you new. Don’t let your fear of abandoning your old ways disguise the ultimate blessing of God’s redeeming grace.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” ~ Luke 11:9-10

Don't Even Hesitate!

I can't say I've experienced too many concerts in my lifetime--I could probably count how many I've been to on one hand (sad, I know)--but I've heard some horror stories of people getting seriously injured from the perilous combination of hardcore moshing and crazy fans. Others have had their eardrums burst and/or have lost their voice for days. Insanity! Right?

Fortunately, I woke up on Friday morning after Winter Jam with only two sore arm muscles. No fights. I promise. It was a Christian concert; The Christian Concert: 10 bands for only $10. With music from Sanctus Real and Skillet, Building 429 and Kari Jobe, which were my favorite, I had the time of my life. By the end of the night, my camera informed me that I had exhausted its battery. Rumor has it that's because I spent the majority of the concert holding my camera up to see above the crowd trying to capture the best shot I possibly could of the rockin' stage. Usually I don't trust rumors, but 'tis true. And the winner, stealing the title of Week 4 Photo, is....

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 4/52

There is just something about capturing the splendor of a night like that. I don't think I ever fully could perform such a miracle, but try to imagine for yourselves: the entire Sovereign Center in Reading, PA completely filled, a roaring sea of people, hands outstretched and voices raised, praising the Lord our God, sold out for the King of kings, rejoicing over the Maker of Heaven and Earth. It gives me the slightest taste of the Heaven for which I crave, something like what John described in Revelation 7:9: "...I saw a vast crowd, too great to count, from every nation and tribe and people and language, standing in front of the throne and before the Lamb. They were clothed in white robes and held palm branches in their hands" (ESV). Minus the robes and the palm branches, and replace the throne with a ginormous stage and flashy spot lights...well, you see the picture. 

I love the diversity of the body of Christ and the diversity of worship that emerges as a result. Traditional hymns, contemporary songs, raps, spoken word, etc. In the end, it all goes to the same place. I can't imagine why it wouldn't please God to hear the sound of his children using the gifts and talents they've been given in a creative way to usher glory to his name. After all He created us in his image--imago dei--we serve, worship, and adore a creative God. Amen? 

So the next time you feel like jamming to a new song, dancing for the Lord, or raising your hands in Sunday morning service, don't even hesitate! Maybe if we all stopped denying those "unconventional?" urges and just followed the leading of the Holy Spirit, we'd taste even more of Heaven's sweet delight. 

yummm...

That's a huge part of what the 2nd annual Imago Dei, the benefit concert on March 24th at Calvary Fellowship Church, is all about. To learn more click on the imago dei link above or take a peek at the statement I wrote up for last year's benefit. This year's proceeds will go to homeless organizations in Chester County. If you're around, come come come!! Don't Even Hesitate! I guarantee you will not regret it. 

Living Loved

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 2/52

For my birthday this year, my boyfriend Pat and I celebrated by going to Buca di Peppo for dinner, just the two of us. Before we left, Pat surprised me with this single red rose pictured to the right. Classy, huh? I carried the rose with me into the restaurant, signaling to every turn of the head and every glance of the eye that someone (aka the man next to me who's holding my hand) loved me a lot. After all, everyone knows red roses say, "I love you."

This past week, week 2 of my 52 Week Project, I’ve been thinking a lot about love, but not in the dramatic teenage girl way. Now that I’m 20 years old, I’ve left those childish trains of thought to choo-choo back to where they belong. Wherever that is, I’m not quite sure, but it is certainly not in my head. At least not for now. No, this week I’ve traveled down a curiously winding path of thoughts about what it means to be loved, to feel loved, to live loved.

We all need love; our human souls hunger for it like our stomachs crave food. We want it bad. Many of our decisions even stem from our desire for love. Often times we act one way when we know that someone really loves us, when we feel loved, but other times we act totally different when it feels like no one really cares. Feeling loved, or the lack of love, can significantly affect our mood, self-esteem, eating and sleeping habits; our joy, peace and contentment; our patience, kindness, and generosity. Needless to say, love is important. This we know.

Now, I’m not so sure that love literally makes the world go ‘round, but I do know that Love created this world because the Bible says that God is love. It also directly states, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10). Surely I’ve read that verse many times, but this week, it has unmistakably colored my vision. In our eyes, roses act as a good signal of love, but as a sign of God’s love, roses don’t nearly suffice, for God’s love infinitely exceeds our own. Jesus, instead, is like God’s rose given to us, something we can hold on to, an indicator of how much we are passionately loved by the Creator of the universe.

If we really are loved by God that much, so much so that he would descend from Heaven, live among us, and die in order that we may have life, than we should act differently, right? We should not be ashamed of God's love but rather should put Jesus on display through the manner in which we live. Every turning head and glancing eye that sees us walking through the restaurant, or wherever we may be, ought to recognize God’s great love radiating from our faces. With Jesus as our red rose, our sign of God’s love to us and to the world, we can all rest assured of one thing:

We can live loved, for that is what we are. Loved. Dearly loved children of God. May we start acting like it.

My Daily Dose of Beauty

This past summer I invested in a new digital camera. Nothing too over-the-top, but complex enough that I'm still trying to figure out how to fully utilize all of its high-tech settings. After trying to capture our family vacation to Florida, our friend's wedding, a Philly's game or two, going to college, coming home for Fall Break, and the many memorable moments in between, I presently I find myself with the most precious little puppy sprawled across my lap on this year's Christmas Eve eve.

I absolutely love taking pictures. I love looking back and remembering. Making memories is one thing, but for me, holding on to them, appreciating and cherishing them, is of great value.

Out of the thousands of pictures I've taken since July, the vast majority has been of people and nature. Both of which radiate beauty from their core. But there's something about flowers in particular that has captured my eye.

Their vibrant color, delicate form, and breath of pureness, their complexity wrapped up in the beauty of simplicity, their ability to nourish, comfort, and inspire. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I love flowers. Along with the rest of nature's adornments, the eloquent beauty of a flower often provides me with my daily dose of beauty that my soul so desperately craves.

If we didn't need beauty in our lives, then God could've created a colorless, dreary, flowerless Earth in which we would feel satisfied living the mundane life. But if you stop for a minute amidst the chaos of last minute Christmas shopping, cooking, and cleaning, and look around, the beauty of creation speaks.

Its beauty invites us to linger, take it in, explore--and as we gaze upon the magnificent creation around us, we can catch a glimpse of the Creator's beauty as well, reminding us of the hope of eternity where more beauty awaits, ready to be unveiled upon our arrival.

This Christmas, don't busy yourself so much so that you miss your chance to stop and smell the roses (or the fresh pine and gingerbread cookies), to gaze upon the beauty all around you, and to draw near to and thank the God who encompasses the very essence of beauty and makes this season one worth celebrating.

Just Keep Swimming

Over the past week and a half, I feel like I've been developing, or redeveloping, Dory's philosophy of "Just Keep Swimming" in spite of the fear and anxiety brought on by the unknown. I'd like to say first of all to anyone who thinks that Disney/Pixar movies are childish and lacking in substance, you are very much mistaken and I pity you. Open your eyes! There are important life lessons that can be discovered through the dynamic characters, even though they are just cartoons. 


With that said, I'd like to share with you, as promised, the news we received last Tuesday from the testing that this new doctor performed. It was a very, VERY long day, and a lot of information was thrown at us. We all, my family and I, needed a good deal of time to absorb it, wrestle with it, cry over it, and pray through it. That's why it's taken me a week and a half to bring myself to write this post. Even now I don't have it all sorted out, but I can at least share what I know as well as some more specific prayer requests we have now as a result of obtaining this new information.


The tests pretty much confirmed most of the things that we suspected have been making me sick; however, due to the inaccuracy, and thus lack of dependency on the traditional blood tests, I had only tested positive for Rickekisia, other wise known as Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, which is a tick-born disease. These tests were different though because they used frequencies to determine if certain parasites, bacteria, and viruses are hiding inside my cells. Just because something is inside the cell does not mean it will necessarily show up in the blood, so it makes that the blood tests would come back negative. I tested positive for ten different bugs: three parasites, four kinds of bacteria, and one virus. Two of the bacteria have two different strains though, so it's really a total six of the little buggers. Some of the more commons ones include Borellia (Lyme disease), Babesia, Strep, RMSF, and feline leukemia---all very interesting...


The tests also showed that my whole body has been affected by these infections. Almost all of my organ systems are considered "weak areas" but especially my thyroid, liver, spleen, adrenal, and hippocampus (short-term memory). The goal is to be at least functioning at 70% in each area but those areas in my body are all bottoming out at a mere 60% . . . Not O.K. 


So what this means is that after nearly a year of antibiotic protocols, I will be starting a new treatment plan the second week in August after we get back from Florida. This doctor treats with herbs, however I can keep taking my antibiotics in the beginning to keep some of my dorment symptoms from reawakening. Each bug must be treated individually, one at a time. There is an herb kit for each bug which lasts 18-21 days if all goes well...so doing the math, it'll be at least 200 days, which is about 7 months of treatment if I'm able to do one right after the other at full strength. The doctor seems very confident that I will feel better after this, but he said I may experience some side effects from the herbs that could range from mild to severe (we'll be praying for no side effects at all though right?!?!)  He also wants to give both me and my sister Lauren (who is also sick with similar but different bugs) these shots to help boost our organ functions, which should also help with my short-term memory loss. 


The short-term memory loss (and cognitive impairment) has definitely been most frustrating, regardless of how much we joke about it at times. That's another area in which I can identify with Dory---this has been going on, remember, for over two and a half years. It's been a long time. I've regressed, hit rock bottom, progressed, plateaued, regressed again, and gone up and down a lot. That's the nature of these infections. If that doesn't take you on an emotional roller coaster than I don't know what would! I have had my good days and my bad days. Sometimes I get tired of it all and just wanna give up, but my fear of what giving up looks like helps me to endure just a little bit longer. 


It's in the fight that hope can be renewed, providing the strength, patience, and perspective needed to persevere. I've grown much stronger as a result of this sickness, this seemingly unending trial, but I can honestly tell you that my strength does not arise from myself. The strength I use to fight this battle is rooted in the joy of the Lord, Jesus Christ the Risen King. He didn't come to save us from suffering, but rather to enter into it with us, both in the moment of his crucifixion as well as in our present suffering. If Jesus was able to defeat death, which he did, and if I have the power that raised Christ from the dead in me, which I do, than certainly I can defeat this illness. I will do so by lifting my eyes above my suffering to my Father and Savior in Heaven whose grace is sufficient for me, whose power is made perfect in weakness, whose love endures forever, whose mercy reaches to the sky. 


When you lift your eyes to the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the weight of the dirt and grime of this life diminishes. He lifts the burden. He makes the load lighter. The miraculous discovery of joy, not just happiness which proves ever so fleeting but deep joy amidst pain and suffering---the joy of the Lord, my friends--is a beautiful thing; a blessing in disguise; a fine treasure that can only be found in the deepest, darkest mines of life's valleys. My heart grieves for those who refuse, dismiss, or neglect the beauty these landmarks of suffering have to offer, for in doing so, they will most likely overlook the greatest treasure that man could ever possess this side of Heaven.


I just want to take one last moment and thank everyone who has been praying for me, specifically through these tests, as well as the neurological testing I had done on Monday--we won't get those results for another six weeks or so. Don't forget that prayer is soooo powerful. So often, we have not because we ask not. As we seek God's face, may He direct our paths. He knows our every need, and He's in control over it all. The God who spoke and this world came to be is the God who holds you and me in the palm of His hand. He's been faithful thus far. He has proven Himself trustworthy. So I'm gonna keep trusting Him. He knows this is gonna make me stronger; us stronger. The Potter just knows these things. 

I'm loving this song right now. "Stronger" by Mandisa. Check it out :)

 

Lessons of Trust

Being sick, I have much more free time in my day than most people. In fact, I would venture to say that more often than not, my free time significantly outweighs the time I spend doing things I must do. Some days I value all the time I have to myself, but other days I long for more structure, for something that I have to do. Today has been a nice balance of both.

The three things I absolutely had to do included calling in a refill on a prescription I needed, getting in touch with my doctor about adding in more antibiotics, and connecting with my admissions counselor at Messiah College (where God-willing, I’ll be attending in the fall!). By two o’clock in the afternoon I finished everything! Most of you probably won’t be able to understand, but small feats like that are big accomplishments for me. Although my To-do List each day isn’t very long, it usually does take all day to complete everything.

Once that was done, I pretty much had the rest of the day to do with as I pleased. My activity of choice was reading. I do love to read, especially when I learn valuable lessons from the wisdom of the authors who I respect greatly. Last night I had read the first ten chapters (they were very short chapters) of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. I had always wanted to read her books because she spelled her name the same way I spell mine--with an ‘s’ instead of a ‘z’—and this one caught my eye as I was looking through our church’s library one night a couple weeks ago. The book is due this Sunday, so I thought it’s time I get to reading it if I want to finish it on time.

So far, it has told the beautiful story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot’s relationship as they waited on the Lord for many years before they announced their engagement and were married. All throughout the chapters, Elisabeth includes timely scripture and portions of journal entries and letters she’s received from various people asking for her advice. Her wisdom is profound and she writes in a way that makes me want to keep reading more.

However, after finishing chapter 18 which is entitled, What Providence Has Gone and Done, I paused taking it all in and I knew I had to write about it. So I forced myself to put down the book, made a strawberry and pineapple smoothie, and here I am, about to share with you the incredibly insightful words I just read. Are you ready?? It’s good stuff. A “spiritual yummy” as a dear friend of mine likes to say. Mhmmm. ☺

Ahhh where to start? I wish I could copy the whole chapter so you could read it, but I’ll do my best to summarize. Forgive me if I write too much. Summarizing is not one of my gifts. Here it goes….

Jim and Elisabeth have professed their love for each other but must spend a great deal of time apart. Elisabeth has described her agonies of the soul. She is lovesick; yet, not reluctant to do what God wants her to do. She is determined to obey, but wonders, “Is it absolutely necessary for God to yank out of sight whatever we most prize, to drag us into spiritual traumas of the severest sort, to strip us naked in the winds of His purifying Spirit in order that we should learn to trust?” She admits that she’s overreacting over her love life and considers the real tribulation of the Apostle Paul. “Talk about lessons in trust,” she writes. “Have a look at what [he] suffered: shipwrecks, flogging, public lashings, imprisonment, chains, stocks, starvation, nakedness—all heaped on a man who, in spite of years of having persecuted Christians, had been transformed in an instant into God’s faithful servant.” And yet Paul’s testimony of trust is unwavering. In Romans 8:31-39 Paul declares,

“31What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us? 32God did not keep back his own Son, but he gave him for us. If God did this, won't he freely give us everything else? 33If God says his chosen ones are acceptable to him, can anyone bring charges against them? 34Or can anyone condemn them? No indeed! Christ died and was raised to life, and now he is at God's right side, speaking to him for us. 35Can anything separate us from the love of Christ? Can trouble, suffering, and hard times, or hunger and nakedness, or danger and death? 36It is exactly as the Scriptures say,
"For you we face death
all day long.
We are like sheep
on their way
to be butchered."
37In everything we have won more than a victory because of Christ who loves us. 38I am sure that nothing can separate us from God's love--not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, 39and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!”

Here’s the point of all this…. “Paul did not escape trouble. He was not exempt from human woes…Yet he was able to say he was winning the victory through Him who has proved His love for us. How? How had he proved His love? – Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature…The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love—that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us—not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

Those are some strong words. But that’s total truth right there. Elisabeth speaks from years of experience, and continues by applying this truth to her love life dilemma. “Perhaps matters of the heart would seem like little things to Paul. I have a haunch they would. Well then—what about those? Can they put us beyond His love and redemption? The point is that we have to learn to trust in little things, even in what may seem like silly things, if we are ever going to be privileged to suffer in the big things….It’s no use trying to measure suffering. What matters is making the right use of it, taking advantage of the sense of helplessness it brings to turn one’s thoughts to God. Trust is the lesson. Jesus loves me, this I know—not because He does just what I’d like, but because the Bible tells me so. Calvary proves it. He loved me and gave Himself for me.”

Well, I think Elisabeth said it all. This was perfect timing for me, especially with Good Friday and Easter coming so soon. It served as a good reminder for me, and I thought it’d be easier to share it this way. I hope you’re blessed by it as well.

Luke 16:10 ~ “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

<3

Where I was about a year ago: The Awakening

I wanted to share with you an essay that I wrote over a year ago for my 12th grade AP English class, so you can get an idea of where I'm coming from. It is dated November 23, 2009.

A lot has changed since then. Now we have a somewhat conclusive diagnosis of Lyme disease. However, a lot has stayed the same.

It's best if you just read it.


The Awakening

As I awoke with another piercing migraine this morning, discouraging thoughts went racing through my head. I wondered if the pain would ever cease; if all the intercessory prayers, along with my own, would ever receive an affirmative response; if I would ever be able to enjoy my senior year of high school; if I would ever be on top again. Though my head was pounding, I arose from my warm and comfortable, queen-sized bed with a sigh, in order to arrive at yet another doctor’s appointment where I would undergo yet another diagnostic test. The fun just never ends.

This is a typical morning in the life of Elisabeth Edelman—a seventeen year old, chronic migraine sufferer. She has faced abounding disappointments, tainting every area of her life. Elisabeth’s view of hope is now as an unreachable, theoretical concept held captive behind a wall of suffering and despair that is built upon a firm foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her passions and desires are suppressed by the burdens of the present, and the future is uncertain. Once uncertainty and disappointment merge, discouragement accelerates.

As my mom ignored multiple speed limit signs while driving me to my appointment, I reflected on what had taken place the previous night. Being blindsided in a conversation with my director, I was informed that my spot in a prestigious performance group was questionable. Though I was shocked, I knew my health dictated the action. If I ever thought that my life was hard enough, a curve ball would hit me, thus, convincing me otherwise. In that moment, quiet tears of sadness streamed down my face, being replenished by an overwhelming sense of helplessness. I could do nothing to change the situation.

The performing arts give Elisabeth an outlet to express herself. They are therapeutic in distracting her from the constant, searing pain. The stage is also a place where Elisabeth can do what she does best—act as if she is not suffering. It provides Elisabeth with a mask that she can wear in addition to the armor of courage and stoicism she must put on everyday. While authenticity is adulterated when masks are worn off stage, masks are expected and required to be worn on stage. However, if Elisabeth’s stage mask were torn off, it would expose a young girl with a wounded spirit and hinder her expression of passion.

After returning home, taking medication, and resting my eyes in hope of relieving some pain, I craved a taste of the outside world, so I checked my e-mail. With little expectation that any message in my inbox could lift my heavy-laden spirit, I was pleasantly surprised by what I assumed would be just another pestering college reminder. It contained an encouraging quote that Abigail Adams had written in a letter to her son, John Quincy, “The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by the scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life and form the character of the hero and the statesman.” I was not quite sure how it happened, but when I finished reading that powerful quote, my anxious thoughts were silenced.

As Elisabeth sits back in her chair, something awakes inside her. Her hope has broken through the wall of suffering and despair, illuminating the foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her competitive nature has been refreshed, and she can now mentally prepare herself for battle against the opposition that currently wages war upon her entire being. Hope has transformed darkness into the light that guides Elisabeth through the despair of her present trial. Though she is in a season of grief, she knows that her pain is temporary while her hope is eternal.

I prayed the night before that God would remind me of what is essential in life, and He answered my prayer by restoring the hope that I had lost. Being caught in a storm of my own, I had lost sight of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I often pitied myself, and it consumed me. However, when I read Abigail Adams quote, I was inspired. I was reminded that my heart and mind are formed by the challenges I must face; without overcoming these obstacles, a crucial part of me remains dormant. Hope awakened my desire to endure this temporary pain in order that I may pursue my passions and live a joyous life again. I could lose everything, but if I have hope, I know I will be victorious.

Hope is the distinguishing factor separating despair and perseverance, and it is often found unexpectedly amidst struggle and hardship. Though at times it may seem as if hope has been captured by the high walls of despair, with a little faith and perseverance, hope can conquer those walls, take hold of passion and, thus, illuminate darkness. Character has the opportunity to develop the most when it is tested through the darkest trial; yet no light is too small for perseverance to be ignited, hope to be restored, and passion to be renewed. Ultimately, victory is won in the light.

I expected...

A year ago, I expected that I would have successfully completed my first semester at Messiah College by now, but God had different plans.

Six months ago, I expected that I would have moved into my dorm with my two roommates this past weekend. I expected to have survived my first full day of classes today, and fall asleep in a building with hundreds of other girls and guys my age. I never expected that I'd be sitting here in my bed, alone, in the same room as always, at 11 o'clock updating my blog...

I expected to be in a place where I could learn, where I could thrive, where I could mature. Like most of people my age, I expected that to happen at college. Little did I know, that where I am today, is the very place where God destined me to learn, to thrive, and to mature in ways that I never would've expected (Eph. 3:20). In the quiet stillness of my room, in the comfort of my queen-sized bed, with a heating pad bringing waves of relief to the pounding in my head--this is where much of my learning takes place these days.

And you know what? I'm completely okay with that. As much as I'd love to be learning about literature, psychology, statistics, and philosophy at college right now, I am convinced that God still desires to teach me things here that I wouldn't be able to learn elsewhere. I have learned life lessons that I could never have learned from my professors at college (no offense to them, but some lessons are divine, beyond man's ability to teach, and must be taught by the Best of the best if you know what I mean), and I am learning new things everyday.

Yes, I'm not where I expected to be by now, but I believe I'm where I'm supposed to be. I expected to be healed from this invasive illness that has plagued me for nearly the past two years, but I'm still fighting it. I expected to have my life back by now, but I'm learning that in order to find my life, I first must lose my life (Matt. 10:39). That sounds so strange, I know, but I'm still just learning, so it's okay.

About an hour ago, I expected to be finishing up writing a post entitled, "Enrolling in the School of Prayer," since that's the topic of the book I just started reading, but I kind of went a different direction. Maybe the lesson to be learned tonight is more along this line---When reality doesn't line up with our expectations (which happens A LOT more than we'd like) we just gotta let go of our pride and roll with it. Stay positive, and keep on keeping on!

Yep! Sounds good to me! :)

Peace out!

The first step is always the hardest

     First and foremost, I am a child of God, a daughter of the King. I believe that if God brings me to face a particular trial, no matter how difficult and enduring it may be, then He will also bring me through it. Though I'm young at a mere nineteen years of age, I have experienced the pain felt by shattered dreams and the fear of dreaming again. However, I'm beginning to realize that all my dreams are lesser dreams compared to knowing and experiencing God, the maker of the Universe, in a real and personal way. No other dream can provide and sustain the joy that comes from knowing God.
     For the past two years I have suffered greatly from Lyme disease as well as various co-infections, and I am almost four months into treatment right now. It's been a rough two years, and I have a long, hard road ahead of me before I am completely healed. I know, however, how much I've grown as a person through this trial in spite of the suffering, and I eagerly look forward to seeing how God will mold me and grow me each day. My family, friends, and most importantly, my faith in God have encouraged me to keep persevering even when I see little or no hope. My prayer is that all who stumble upon my blog would be enlightened to the depths of their souls and be encouraged to press on when the troubles of life seem insurmountable. My deepest desire is to bring glory to God by being a blessing to others.
     I've heard God tell me multiple times that I ought to start a blog to express and share with others the wonderful work He's doing in my life. I've ignored his voice far too long. After a little push (or, well, threat) from a friend, here I am. I am thankful for this open door, and desire to use my talents and passion for writing for God's Kingdom here. Just like being baptized is a public expression of faith and a spiritual act of obedience, starting this blog is a huge step of faith for me and an act of obedience that I should've taken months ago. So here we go. "I baptize you in the name of the Father, in the name of the Son, and in the name of the Holy Spirit." Wooo-hooo!!!