Breaking Through Reality's Limits

Last week was so busy that I did not have time to post, but after taking well over 500 pictures, I had a hard time picking just one to write about for week 23 of my 52 Week Project. This one stood out to me though. 

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 23

For starters, I've never seen a storm cloud like this before in my life! On Thursday evening, my boyfriend Pat, two of his cousins, and I walked up 110th street in Stone Harbor so the boys could practice their golf swing by the ocean. I tagged along of course, hoping to snag some cool pictures on the beach, but we didn't stay for very long. Once we reached the sand, we spotted this crazy cloud off to our left. It had lightning bolts shooting down from it and stretched twice as long as what I could capture in this photo. For nearly ten minutes, I focused my camera and all my attention on this cloud, attempting to catch a shot of the lightning.

Little did we know, as we stood fixated on this cloud to our left, that an even larger, darker, scarier storm cloud was forming right above us.

This picture doesn't really convey the apprehension we all were feeling at the time, but those clouds were moving fast enough that we unanimously decided to call it a night and head home.  

My experience that night on the beach reminds me of how often I become so focused on the stressors and upsets of life that I fail to recognize the more serious spiritual warfare taking place all around me, thus leaving myself unprotected from Satan's attacks. 

There is so much more to this life than life itself. As the finite beings that we are, we often have great trouble looking past our present circumstances. We secretly desire more, but we fear that our longing will never be satisfied because we've grown so accustomed to a limited reality of life. And so we make our best effort to survive on the tiny morsels of temporary happiness that we can salvage, hoping they'll suffice, but knowing from past experience that they can never quite last long enough. 

In the same way that I failed to see that dark storm cloud above me on the beach because I was focusing on the strange, long cloud, we won't ever see more than our present circumstances if we don't turn ourselves around and look up. Only by the grace of God and his incredible mercy can we even begin to understand the mystery of the unseen spiritual reality that surrounds us. We need to become more aware of the limits that we place on reality and be open to how God will break through them. Until God's work is completed, the battle against evil and our own sinful nature continues to rage; yet, we must not forget that God's plan entails redeeming the whole world, so we can be sure that things are changing---even when the storm clouds roll in---and in the end, all will be changed for good. God never abandons the work of his hands, but promises to finish with the mark of perfection.

With this in mind, we need not fear the battle. For our Lord already has won the victory, and He has given us everything we need for life and godliness. As 2 Peter 1:3-4 states, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." What a blessing it is to catch glimpses of God's grand scheme of things. 

A couple weeks ago I wrote a poem for the dove in our front garden. This week, I'm making another attempt at the whole poetry thing because I feel like prose can't adequately express the dynamics of my experience this week. 

"I Long for You"

I long to desire You above all others,

to seek you first, forsaking the rest.

Though now my heart still roams and wanders,

Your arms are where I know I belong, where I fit best.

I long to know You and to be known by You

in the most intimate way that transforms my soul.

Though my body is weak and my thoughts ever fleeting,

My spirit cries out, "Lord, take me home! Just take me home!"

I long to please you Lord in everything I say and do,

to bless your name, oh Great I Am.

Though I have stumbled and fallen many a time,

You cleanse me once again with the blood of the Lamb. 

Surely Alive

I'm always pleasantly surprised when Spring persuades the flowers to finally bloom. After the winter's stretch of cold, dreary days--especially when the snow doesn't even come to brighten things up a bit--I find great joy in passing gardens full of flowers on my way to and from class. Even though I'm probably allergic to all of them, their beauty never ceases to make me smile. . . and so, here you have my picture for week 14 of my 52 Week Project!

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 14/52

It's amazing how such simple things like Springtime flowers, an encouraging note, or a surprise visit from a best friend (thanks Andrea!!) can cheer us up and remind us that life really is good.


When I think about how happy those "little" things make me and think about the "big" thing, or rather the biggest thing which was Jesus Christ's death and resurrection---the reason why we celebrate Easter---I'm completely blown away, struck in utter amazement by God's love for this world.


The fact that Jesus surrendered his own human will in order to obey his Father's will, take on the sins of this world, both yours and mine, in addition to God's wrath, which was poured out upon him, so that we could have eternal life and forever be in God's presence in Heaven one day. . . surely that is the greatest love that anyone could ever know.

Because Jesus Christ overcame the cross and the grave, thus defeating sin and death, rose on the third day, and now lives and reigns victorious on High, we should offer up thanksgiving and praise everyday in response to the One who gives us life and breath.


Not only does God sustain us physically, he desires that we experience life abundant, which we can only know through an abiding relationship with Him. This spiritual life that he offers is available to anyone who puts his or her hope and trust in Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross, resurrection, and life.

In confidence, we can proclaim, as Kristian Stanfield writes, 

"My God's not dead, He's surely alive, and He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!!" 

(this song has been stuck in my head all weekend. I couldn't help but share it. Hope you all like it!)

I hope that on this Easter day, we'll all rejoice in the life that we can have in Christ. May we never cease to smile at its amazing goodness. Just as winter passes and spring brings new life, Jesus' death and resurrection allows us the chance to be made new, to live again---to smile our way through the storms---and to experience love that transforms us into who we were created to be regardless of the season in which we find ourselves. 

Miraculous Reflections

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 11/52

"The prayer of a Christian," J.I. Packer has written, "is not an attempt to force God's hand, but a humble acknowledgement of helplessness and dependence." 

I took this picture for my 52 Week Project at the beginning of spring break, which sadly, is soon coming to an end. The setting sun's reflection on this pond captivated me and my sister Lauren, and we tried snapping as many shots as we could of its marvelous beauty. You should've seen us. Our excitement was just a little extreme. Running the length of the pond, finding cool angles of sun glare, reaching high and squatting down low for the perfect picture. We were awestruck by the pond's reflection of the sun, the blue sky and sweeping clouds, the lone tree, the distant horizon of country lands. It looked beautiful--a perfect end to our day's adventure. 

Whenever I see beauty like this, the kind that makes me speechless, I always try to stop and listen for what it has to say. Beauty of this magnitude surely speaks of that which is far beyond what our finite minds can fully understand, but it nonetheless provides us with glimpses of God's blessings in disguise. 

Just as the still water in this pond can accurately reflect its surroundings when the sun shines down upon it, we can more accurately reflect God's character when we come to God in prayer--not manipulative prayer, which is more like magic, but true prayer--as Jesus modeled for us. When we see prayer as an effect of or our response to God's power, and not just a cause of it, we will experience significant growth and a sensitivity to God's presence. He will quiet our worries, still the rushing waters of our souls, and bring peace to our inmost places. God calls us to have a child-like faith because through that perspective, we increase our ability to reflect his will, his heart, his desires. In this way, we can agree that the act of prayer itself is the fulfillment of its purpose. 

With this in mind, we need not slip into a pit of despair when it seems God has not answered our prayers. The truth is, God always answers prayers. The question is, whether or not we recognize and accept his answers, especially when they're different than what we'd like or expect. If we adopt a child-like faith, though, and use prayer as a "humble acknowledgement of [our] helplessness and dependence," even an answer of "no" or a "wait" can work a miracle in our lives. This miracle may not be physical healing, material wealth, or academic success; rather, we can experience spiritual healing and blessing by allowing God to transform our will to look more like his. 

Just like Lauren and I were so amazed at the reflection in the pond, I'm also amazed at how God transforms the hearts of his children so that they can reflect his image more clearly. Often times this means refusing to give them something that they ask for because He knows it's not as good as what he really wants to offer them. As children so often do, we get confused and mad, some of us throw temper tantrums and act out in response to God's answer of "no." After we calm ourselves down, we know we can trust that God has our best interest in mind because he loves us more than anything we can imagine, he's in the process of making us even more beautiful, and desires for us to each reflect the likeness of his Son, Jesus Christ, who is, in himself, the essence of beauty.   

Longing For Where I Belong

In my last post I wrote about how I've experienced God as my shatter-proof refuge through the shock and disillusionment of unexpected troubles and difficulties. When we trust in the Lord, who acts as our strength and our stronghold in times of trouble--our Rescue and our Deliverer--the trials we face possess the unmatched potential of developing within us an irrevocable desire for eternity. Hurt and pain can either drive our hearts into the ground or intensify our longing for that hopeful day when we'll experience complete healing and renewal. Nurturing this craving, as opposed to ignoring it or writing it off as a far-off fantasy, has been essential to my spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being and has drastically transformed both my understanding of God and my relationship with Him.

Have you ever felt frustrated, discouraged, or dismayed by the pain and the suffering you see throughout the world--natural disasters, poverty, oppression? Have you ever felt outraged by the evil of our day that has polluted innocent children like those in Uganda--KONY 2012 anyone? Have you ever felt that this is not how life should be, that there's gotta be more than this?

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 10/52
Warwick Furnace

On a smaller scale, when we see abandoned buildings, or trees split by lightning, or thorns and thistle choking the life out of plants, we often have a similar reaction...that is, assuming we take the time to react. We know that the sad remnant in front of us does not line up with its original purpose or design. Even if we simply look away and refuse to acknowledge the brokenness, that reaction still speaks to our desire for wholeness, for a world where life and love reign, for something more than this. Our normal reactions, and whatever emotions they encompass, indicate our recognition that something is wrong with this picture.

However, despite these reactions, I also suggest that just as everything has a purpose--form does not exist without function--the existence of pain and suffering conveys the fact that it, too, must have a function. My psychology book presents pain as a biopsychosocial phenomenon that we must seek to understand in terms of its biological, psychological, and social influences. It argues the purpose of pain lies its message, which warns us that something is wrong. If pain indicates that something is wrong, the logical flip-side to this phenomenon illustrates the "rightness" of a time and place free from pain.

I'd like to encourage you in the midst of the confusion and chaos by proposing that the very existence of your feelings of frustration and wonder suggests that this is not how the world was originally meant to be and that there is, indeed, something better yet to come. Otherwise, we would not have a problem with pain and suffering nor would we have a desire to see it to go away.

With that logic in mind, I believe we can confidently and rationally justify our hope and our longing for Heaven, the place where pain and suffering cease to exist. Through eyes of faith, we can view our present suffering as a promise of the future glory that will soon be revealed to us. Until that day, we continue to persevere in faith, being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see. We continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ who entered into our suffering and took it on completely so that we could have the opportunity to take on his righteousness and his glory if we so choose. We shall continue to rest in the arms of our God, who created us out of love and desires to comfort us and pour out his blessing upon us in the midst of our pain.  We continue to live with the perspective that this world is not our final destination. We were created for perfect relation with God which is why our hearts long for something more than the brokenness that we experience here on this earth. Not only do we feel it, but nature feels the same deep ache and groans in anticipation for the day of redemption as well. Restoration is coming!

If home is where the heart is, I hope that we will embrace the truth that Heaven is our home because our hearts belong with the One who "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3). His name is Jesus.

"...and my soul is getting restless for the place where I belong, I can't wait to join the angels and sing my Heaven song"

 ~ Heaven Song by Phil Wickham

Cloudy with a Chance of Joy

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 7/52

You could say with a great amount of accuracy that I had my head stuck in the clouds this week. I couldn't tell you why, but for some reason clouds have consumed much of my thoughts, hence, the winning cloud picture for week 7 of my 52 Week Project. Much of my time spent walking to and from class consisted of me gazing up toward the sky in wonder of this curious piece of God's creation. Some people like to think of God as a skilled artist who paints a new masterpiece on his canvas of sky each day. Others take a more scientific view, with concrete explanations for the variances of cloud formations and sunset hues. Either way I look at it, I can't help but marvel at the intelligence and creativity of Creator God.

I'm taking a class this semester in which we've read and discussed many essays on creation and related themes of creativity, conservation, and the like for the past three weeks. One of my main takeaways from this unit highlights the importance of valuing creation. I've always appreciated and enjoyed nature's beauty, but the past few weeks have stretched and deepened my appreciation and enjoyment even more so. In light of the fact that God passionately values his creation, every single part--he saw that all of it was very good--I have come to the understanding that there is more to appreciate, enjoy, and value than only creation's beauty. Although beauty speaks to the depths of my being, I'm discovering a deeper message tucked under the surface of my initial awestruck gaze.

Just as an artist puts his heart and soul into his masterpiece, I'm convinced that has God woven pieces of himself into the fabric of his creation. Each strand encompasses a distinctly divine meaning and uniquely expresses the very nature of God. Up close, we can examine the details of nature which speak volumes by themselves; stepping back, we try to see the whole picture, aided by the gift of photography, bird's eye view images, and our wildly vivid imaginations and memories of nature at its finest. Then we catch a glimpse of the greatness of God.

Taking an up close and personal look at clouds this week, I was blessed on a number of occasions to experience the joy and peace of seeing rays of glorious light beaming down from the sea of clouds above. For some reason, I always seem to acknowledge the presence of light more when clouds also fill in pieces of the picture. The combination of their contrast and reflective qualities with my human attraction and need for light brings me to consider why God would value clouds so much as to call them good. So often, we associate clouds with negativity, gloomy (usually headache-filled) days that block out our dearly loved sun. People usually steer away from others who have "cloudy" dispositions. Cloudy days can really put a damper on our plans. And yet, God declares clouds as good, for they serve the vital role of watering the earth which makes the plants grow, sustains creation, and brings new life.

In recognizing the necessity of clouds, I can see more clearly the necessity of trials. Like clouds, we don't particularly care for trials; both bring headaches, make us gloomy, tired, and desperate for the light. Like clouds, trials can put a big damper on our plans. Like clouds, thank God, trials also come and go. The storms of life may rage for a season, but when the winds settle, the skies will clear. Like clouds, trials can quench our dry and thirsty souls if we choose to dance in the rain instead of hide under our umbrellas of pride, pity, and self-dependence. Like clouds, trials can increase our sensitivity to our need for the Light. Like clouds, trials play an irreplaceable role in growing and sustaining us through the course of our lives.

I'm thankful for the fruit that trials can ultimately produce in us. I'm thankful for the Light of the world that breaks through, beaming rays of joy and peace in the darkness of our hardships. I'm thankful for all the blessings that God's Creation speaks.

Living Loved

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 2/52

For my birthday this year, my boyfriend Pat and I celebrated by going to Buca di Peppo for dinner, just the two of us. Before we left, Pat surprised me with this single red rose pictured to the right. Classy, huh? I carried the rose with me into the restaurant, signaling to every turn of the head and every glance of the eye that someone (aka the man next to me who's holding my hand) loved me a lot. After all, everyone knows red roses say, "I love you."

This past week, week 2 of my 52 Week Project, I’ve been thinking a lot about love, but not in the dramatic teenage girl way. Now that I’m 20 years old, I’ve left those childish trains of thought to choo-choo back to where they belong. Wherever that is, I’m not quite sure, but it is certainly not in my head. At least not for now. No, this week I’ve traveled down a curiously winding path of thoughts about what it means to be loved, to feel loved, to live loved.

We all need love; our human souls hunger for it like our stomachs crave food. We want it bad. Many of our decisions even stem from our desire for love. Often times we act one way when we know that someone really loves us, when we feel loved, but other times we act totally different when it feels like no one really cares. Feeling loved, or the lack of love, can significantly affect our mood, self-esteem, eating and sleeping habits; our joy, peace and contentment; our patience, kindness, and generosity. Needless to say, love is important. This we know.

Now, I’m not so sure that love literally makes the world go ‘round, but I do know that Love created this world because the Bible says that God is love. It also directly states, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10). Surely I’ve read that verse many times, but this week, it has unmistakably colored my vision. In our eyes, roses act as a good signal of love, but as a sign of God’s love, roses don’t nearly suffice, for God’s love infinitely exceeds our own. Jesus, instead, is like God’s rose given to us, something we can hold on to, an indicator of how much we are passionately loved by the Creator of the universe.

If we really are loved by God that much, so much so that he would descend from Heaven, live among us, and die in order that we may have life, than we should act differently, right? We should not be ashamed of God's love but rather should put Jesus on display through the manner in which we live. Every turning head and glancing eye that sees us walking through the restaurant, or wherever we may be, ought to recognize God’s great love radiating from our faces. With Jesus as our red rose, our sign of God’s love to us and to the world, we can all rest assured of one thing:

We can live loved, for that is what we are. Loved. Dearly loved children of God. May we start acting like it.

Waiting--

It's been a while since I've posted anything...the past week and a half has been pretty rough--filled with stubborn migraines, fatigue, and an array of emotions which makes it a little difficult to write. I feel like I've finally gotten a break though, and I haven't even had to take any pain medicine the past two days! So I'm thankful for that.

There are sooo many things on my heart and mind right now as I reflect upon the painful days. It's hard not to get discouraged in the midst of the bad times, but knowing that the good days are on their way helps me to be patient. I want to share with you this psalm that pretty much describes what I couldn't put into words on my own this week. It's 20 verses which may look like a lot, but please just read it to the end. That's where I'm at right now.


Psalm 77
(For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.)


1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,
and I would not be comforted.

3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:

7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

13 Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

16 The waters saw you, God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.


Sometimes I don't necessarily "feel" God's presence, comfort, and peace. Sometimes it seems like He's unresponsive. Silent. My first response to Him in those times is frustration which often comes out as arrogance, thinking that I deserve or am entitled to an encounter with the Almighty God. I remember his faithfulness and the precious times we shared together. I treasure those moments; yet, here I am now wondering where He is. Though I know that He promises never to leave me nor forsake me, I long to hear his voice, to feel his touch, to see his face. The longing, while not satisfied, continues to grow, deepening my desire for Him even more. As I focus on Him and meditate upon his character, I still struggle to make sense of the silence. I feel like I'm totally aware of my desire for Him, yet I'm still waiting in my painful, desperate state, to truly discover Him.

I know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. In Larry Crabb's book Shattered Dreams, he writes about others who have experienced deep pain and loss. A man who lost his wife reported this: "At his worst moments of pain, he never hears a happy song coming out of his heart. When he hears a song, it's the music of desire, of longing for what is not now and will never be till heaven. 'Tears have become my deepest form of worship.' He spoke with passion.

Though I haven't lost my spouse (since I've never had one), I can identify with him in that I do believe that tears have also become my deepest form of worship. I hate crying because it makes my head hurt worse, "but it's in the pain that we discover our desire for God, and it's in the frustration of that desire that we come to realize how sturdy it is. We face the truth that there is no other answer. To whom else shall we go? Moving toward anything else we might desire is idolatry and foolishness. Only God has the life our souls desperately need. We come to really believe that. So we abandon ourselves to Him. And we wait. Any experience of His presence is given as a sovereign mercy. There is no formula for making it happen.--No longer do we live for blessings; no longer do we pray, 'God, here is what I need. Give it to me!' Now we rest, an agitated rest that includes the agony of frustration, but stil we rest. And we learn to say, 'God, whoever You are, whatever You do, that is all I want. I demand nothing. I will wait for You.'"

I don't think I have to write a book anymore because Larry Crabb has already said everything that I would want to say, and he has done so with perfect words which I could not express.
My sister Lauren gave me his book Shattered Dreams for Christmas and it has been such a blessing to me ever since.

So that's where I'm at right now. Waiting on the Lord. It's not easy, but they say that good things come to those who wait. So that's exactly what I plan on doing. I'm trusting my faith, not my feelings.

Thank you for all of you who are praying for me! You are such a blessing. Prayer is powerful. So please, don't give up!

---

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~ 2 Cor. 12:8-10 <3