The "Home Stretch"

52 Week Project~Week 18

It's amazing how a little bit of pressure...aka Finals Week...can make us college students really grow to value the small things in life that we often fail to fully enjoy:

A Lottie breakfast date/cram sesh before an 8 am exam. A surprise cup of tea from a friend. Sharing flashcards. A warm smile after way too many hours spent studying late in the library. Late night pancakes. Free pancakes! Dogs in the Union?? Finishing a final early. Learning how to construct a "buff chick" wrap...and then making a mess trying to figure out how to eat it. Listening to Needtobreathe on my ipod walking around campus. A light sun shower after a steamy Friday afternoon. Getting mail. Going to Baker's. Catching up with friends. Cookies, ice cream, & pizza, yumm. Singing in the shower together. Sharing vitamins and cold medicine. Walking barefoot. Random dance parties. Weird dreams. And last but not least, playing with chalk in the middle of the basketball court...trying to complete our masterpiece before the storm came to wash it away.

And that, my friends, is my photo of Week 18.

SEE?? It is amazing how a little bit of pressure can help us grow to enjoy the small things in life. Between the overload of stress and lack of sleep during this past week, I would've thought that I'd have been in a bad mood. But I've actually noticed way more positives, especially over the past few days.

To give you an example, in addition to the awesome list and picture above, on Wednesday evening, before I had to stop studying and just go back to my room to get some sleep, I pulled off a book from the shelf behind me. I happened to be sitting in the Theology section of the library in the cubbies that I usually never go to. But during my last study break, I opened up to a random page in a chapter entitled "The Gift of Surrender" and read the following:

"Jacob wrestles all night long with no hope of really winning. At the end of the night, he is still in the struggle but ready finally to give it up without needing to triumph. He can just be what he is. It is enough, he understands, simply to persist rather than to need to overcome. To persist is to live in hope. To insist on overcoming the enemy, on the other hand, only dooms us to perpetual contention over something that may not have perpetual value. Not to us, not to anyone... Surrender is the moment in which we realize that it is time to become someone new. Surrender is not about giving up; it is about moving on.” ~ Joan Chittister, Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope (p. 59)

At the time, in the midst of all the undue stress that I place on myself with doing well on finals, that was exactly what I needed to hear in order to survive this last "home stretch" (as everyone keeps reminding me) of my freshman year of college.

I can just be what I am. It is enough for me to simply persist rather than to need to overcome the struggle that lies before me. To insist on being perfect or getting straight A's, even if it means missing out on the experience of fully enjoying the little things of college life, dooms me to "perpetual contention over something that may not have perpetual value."

Persistance, I'm learning, does not require absolute perfection. All it requires is a little bit (or a lot a bit) of pressure that forces us to learn how to enjoy the small things in life. Because without them, surrender is pointless. After all, "to persist is to live in hope," and we must have an idea of what we're hoping for.

"Surrender is the moment in which we realize 

that it is time to become someone new. 

Surrender is not about giving up; 

it is about moving on."

This Is The Story Of A Girl......

Only two more days of class left, then finals, and then I'm done my first year of college! I don't know where the time went. My mom has always said that the college years will be the fastest four (or five) years of my life. At the rate things are going, I think she's probably going to be right.

This past week has been crazy with finishing up papers and projects, and unfortunately, I haven't had as much quiet time with the Lord as I've needed. I was reading Psalm 139 this morning and was reminded of the reality of God's presence that I tend to lose sight of when I get wrapped up in the busyness of life.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 17/52

I feel like sometimes life seems more like riding a train. We get on knowing our final destination, but not being in control, we're not completely sure how we're going to get there.

The Conductor, however, knows the course. Even in our complaining about the multiple stops that must be made along on the way, we trust Him. After all, if we didn't, we wouldn't still be riding His train, right?

So, those were my thoughts this morning after reading Psalm 139 and reflecting on my week.

Since my metaphor has lots of holes in it, maybe it'd be better if you all just read God's Word for yourselves. . .

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;  you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. 

If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  ~  Psalm 139:1-24

I hope you all enjoy the picture for week 17 of my 52 Week Project, and remember that even when it doesn't feel like God's in control, He's the one who set down the tracks and knows the course full well.

Wet Hair and Wishes

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 16/52

A friendly hello to Week 16 of my 52 Week Project and to the hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dandelions springing up all over my backyard!! I remember as a kid searching for the fullest white dandelions, plucking them out of the ground, and making a wish as I blew the seeds away, hoping they would all disappear with the wind and somehow make my wish come true. Now I just take pictures of them and use them as illustrations for larger topics.

It's funny how time has a way of changing us: our thoughts, actions, and priorities. Looking back on our old selves (or young selves) we all can pinpoint at least one thing that we know now which has greatly influenced and changed us.

For me, it's not just my perception of dandelions, but of faith. When I was younger, I used to think of faith more like wishing on a dandelion. I would say prayers to God and hope that he would hear them and make my wishes come true. I thought maybe if I prayed hard enough, my words would make it up to Heaven like the dandelion seeds floating away with the wind.

I'm not sure when I realized that my dandelion, wishful faith was not the kind that the Bible talks about, but I've been writing this really long paper (that's due this Thursday!) on the influence of faith on my family dynamic, which has forced me to define what true faith really means. The first verse that comes to mind for a definition of faith is Hebrews 11:1 which says, "Faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you cannot see." But even that definition, I think at least, has holes. After all, I hope for a lot of things and there are many things that I can't see, so what is this verse talking about?

I think 1 Peter 1:3-9 sums it up pretty well. It answers my question from Hebrews 11 and then some. Take a look:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Q: What aspect of faith do we hope for?
A: An inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade, which is kept in Heaven for us as we are now being shielded by God's power until that day that we receive what we've hoped for --- of this we can be sure.

Q: What aspect of faith do we not see?
A: Jesus Christ, the object and the giver of our faith --- of Christ we can be certain.

Q: Is faith important?
A: Yes! It's of greater worth than gold!

Q: Why do we have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials?
A: So that our faith may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when we see Jesus face to face. After all, anything that's true should stand the test of trials.

Like I said earlier in this post, I don't know the day that I realized faith is more than wishful thinking, but I know that I've gained a clearer perspective on faith through the pain and suffering that I've endured. That's not to say that faith is just a resource that I pull out when times are tough. Rather, through trials and hardships, I've had to face the challenging question of "Who am I?" In faith, I recognize that I am a dearly loved child of God. If the storms of life must come to wash away the dirt that masks my true identity, than bring on the rain. If you ask me, a genuine faith and an inexpressible and glorious joy are most certainly worth getting my hair wet for.


Still have questions? Feel free to leave a comment or email me with anything that's on your heart.  

Beautiful Timing

52 Week Project ~ 12/52

 For those of you who were in eastern PA this week, I'm sure you've enjoyed the unusually warm weather we've had. It seriously felt like summer, and I loved it! Friday afternoon was absolutely gorgeous. A perfect day to sit outside, soak up the sunshine, and marvel at the beauty of God's creation. There's something about a gentle breeze on a sunny, 80 degree afternoon that breathes life into us. It's a glorious feeling, isn't it?

As I walked around campus that afternoon, I took some pictures of flowers, hoping to get a good one for this week's photo. After all, March 20th was the first day of Spring, so a nice flower picture seemed quite fitting for the occasion. After I thought about it a little more though, I really wanted a picture of something blossoming, either a flower or a tree, but it had to be natural. I liked my flower pictures--i just really love flowers in general--but I knew that they were recently planted, taken from a pot and stuck in the ground, perfectly arranged the way someone else wanted. 

I was after a naturally blossoming picture because this week God has laid Ecclesiastes chapter 3 on my heart. The first verse plainly states: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." It then goes on to list various things... you should really go read it for yourself. After that list, verse 11 says, talking about God, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." 

The first time I read this passage, I remember being amazed by the truth of its simplicity. Knowing that God has made everything we see--the flowers, the trees, the grass--and is over everything that takes place on earth--the weather, the change of seasons, the blossoming of nature--it must all have a purpose and that purpose must be good because God is good. Even when it comes to you and me and what goes on in our lives everyday, God has made us and is sovereign over it all. 

Since God is perfect in his nature and all that he does, he can do no wrong. Yet, as humans, we are not God. We are finite beings and not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. It makes sense then that when we take matters into our own hands, when we rely on ourselves or other people for that matter, and trust our flawed sense of the "right" timing, things don't always turn out as beautifully as we had hoped. Often we want things to work out so bad sometimes that we push and pull until our hopes and dreams tear and shatter before our very eyes. 

And then what do we do? We sit back and blame God for the pain and unhappiness we feel when in reality, we brought it upon ourselves by not trusting that God would work it out. Although we often do, we cannot blame God if we don't trust him and his timing. If we do soever trust God and believe that he is true to his word and does make everything beautiful in its time--which isn't always our time--than we wouldn't be so quick to blame in him these matters when life doesn't seem to go our way.

When we recognize that we live in God's world, and not the other way around, maybe we'll begin to trust that his timing really is beautiful, right, perfect. Maybe we'll get a real sense of our finitude and dependence on the God who created us to be in close relationship with him. Maybe then we'll see and fully experience more blessings in disguise. For I believe that only those who trust in the Lord, whose hope is in Him, have the ability to recognize and receive those blessings in their fullest, intended measure. 

If our perception of reality is the reality that we experience, we must learn to see through eyes of faith. Though God's presence is all around us all and his love can be found in all things, only those with eyes of faith and an open heart will see and feel God and recognize it as him. Do you recognize Him? 

We may never be able to fathom what God has done from beginning to end, but we can hope because God has set eternity in our hearts, and we can trust because God makes all things beautiful in its time. 

Chasing the Wind

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 8/52

The picture to the left has an interesting story behind it, one which most people would probably be too embarrassed to tell, but I'm going to share it anyway. 

As a preface, it's important that you know, this past week has overwhelmed me to the max. Five tests and one big project stretched my mental limits, my lack of sleep due to that insane work load pushed me physically and emotionally and, also, probably had something to do with why I felt so sick--worse headaches and nausea--especially towards the end of the week.

All that to say, on Wednesday, I desperately needed an afternoon nap. My body and mind wouldn't compromise with me on that. It was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL sunny and 60 degree day outside, birds chirping and all. The last place I wanted to spend my afternoon was cooped up inside my dorm room, but that's where the story of this week's picture begins.

I gave up what I imagined to be the perfect time of day to take pictures and granted my body and mind some extra time to rest and recuperate before I would force it to stay up until two in the morning to study again for yet another test. After nestling myself under the covers, I dozed off to the sound of the wind blowing in through my window, the coolness of its calming breeze sweeping over me, bringing with it renewed energy and a sense of wholeness. With each passing minute, the sun dropped lower in the sky. Upon reaching the opening of my 2nd story window, its rays gently poured into my room, filling it to the rhythm of the wind.

I awoke to the beat of the breeze with the syncopation of the sunshine. My first instinct was to hide under the covers, shield my eyes from the light, and rest some more. And yet, I'm glad that the wind blew so obnoxiously strong that afternoon because it forced me to wake from my slumber and roll out of bed into the shrinking darkness. I had not the option to ignore the wind nor the sunshine; their harmonious beauty captivated my attention and refused to let it go.

So up I went, out of bed, stumbling over my feet in search of my camera, intending on quickly snapping a picture of the wind that woke me from my much-needed nap time.  204 photos and nearly 45 minutes later, I climbed back into bed even more amazed and reflected on the subtly in which God often chooses to bless his beloved children if only they took the time to notice.

 I thought I needed physical rest in the form of a nice nap. What really refreshed me, though, was having the chance to nourish my soul through encountering the beauty of God in his creation and attempting to capture that beauty with my creativity and camera in hand.

For week 8 of my 52 Week Project, I wanted a picture of the wind. After over 200 attempts, I realized that taking a picture of the wind proves to be a lofty task. In reality, I can only try to capture the effects of the wind. You may be thinking I'm crazy, but I'm not really even embarrassed that I tried for so long to do what any rational person would never think of trying because the process itself evolved into a precious Blessing in Disguise.

By focusing on the actual cause of the effects that I could see from the wind, I learned so much more about God. A lot of people like to say that God is like the wind--you can't see him, but you know he's there because you can feel him and see his effects on people and creation. With relative ease, we can capture the effects of the wind in the same way that we can often see the hand of God at work. However, I feel that it is exponentially crucial to the nourishment of our souls that we never give up seeking the face of God--or focusing on the wind--even though we may never understand his syncopated rhythm, his silence, or his beats in the breeze. We need not feel ashamed of pursuing something, someOne, that we cannot see; he's there; we can feel him. He blesses us through the process of seeking him, which to some may seem as crazy as trying to take a picture of the wind. It may seem impossible at first, but after 204 attempts, the truth stands steady: in Christ alone will we find our rest, our energy, and our purpose. Even when we feel like we're just chasing after the wind, God's promise remains.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." ~ Jeremiah 29:13

The Challenge & The Blessing

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 3/52

A theme of contentment--giving thanks in all circumstances--has woven its way through the third week of my 52 Week Project, and waking up to the freshly laid blanket of snow outside, I'd say, wrapped it up quite nicely. 

This family of trees has gathered in our front yard since before we built our house here over 11 years ago. I can remember passing countless Spring afternoons rocking away on the hammock under the shade-casting branches of these trusty trees; summer memories of sword fighting with their fallen branches and then playing fetch with our dog Trudy who'd always interrupt the game; fall days filled with the fierce competition for first place in the classic Edelman family game of Catch the Leaves; snowy days like today that make me slow down from the hustle and bustle of life and pause....

Closing my eyes I breathe in the crisp scent of winter bliss and let out a deep sigh of contentment as the gentlest of smiles glides across my sleepy-eyed face; thus, concluding my much needed moment of escape.

I've been challenged this week to transform those brief moments of escape, of silent bliss, of peaceful contentment, to reflect my everyday-state-of-mind. The challenge initially came to me while sitting in a wooden pew of a church out in Reading. Pat and I wanted to check out this church because he was interviewing for their worship leader position later in the week. Visiting the church was slightly a spur of the moment decision, but I thank God for bringing us there that morning. I went in thinking I wouldn't enjoy a traditional church service, let alone a sermon on finances. Thankfully, though, God knows I enjoy a challenge; hence, my strong conviction by this verse the Pastor mentioned. Hebrews 13:5 states, "...be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you' (Deut. 31:6)" (NIV).

I went through the rest of my day pretty much headache free, thanking the Lord for that blessing along with the blessing of participating in the Body of Christ, fellowship, and prayer; music, food, and friends; life, love, and happiness. Everything! In addition to the challenge of contentment God presented me with that morning, He also gave me a renewed perspective. From there, He encouraged me that living with a heart of thanksgiving will provide the joy and hope necessary to sustain me through whatever trials may come.

And surely, the trials came. Before gaining victory in this challenge, God decided to test me--starting first thing Monday morning--when I woke up with a really sore throat. (Because I have Lyme disease, my white blood cell count is extremely low, which makes it hard for my body to fight off other viruses and bacteria. It's always bad. That's why I hate getting sick on top of everything else. So, being sick and content is very challenging for me.) In order to confirm that I grasped the concepts of this lesson of contentment, I spent the entire week in bed sick as a dog with really bad headaches again. At least that was my reasoning as I lied awake in bed. It's easy to give thanks when the days seem good; however, when the days are bad, long, or painful, maintaining an attitude of thankfulness grows much more difficult. I convinced myself that this sickness was all part of the challenge, though, and I became determined to finish well.

My Memory Verse:
"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion"
Psalm 116:5

Ironically, this week's devotional had me read Psalm 116, memorize verse 5, and meditate on the following quote by John R. Claypool: "Thankfulness is...a resource rather than a burden which can be used by God to enable us to overcome obstacles rather than to be overcome by them."

Looking back on the week now that most of it is behind me, I curiously wonder if that "challenge" God gave me on Sunday morning was really his way of blessing me with the resource he planned on using to sustain me through this sickness. I think... Yes!

Thankfulness: a blessing in disguise.

Psalm 136:1 says, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever."

~If you've read this post, please share something you're thankful for by posting a comment below. Don't be shy!
May thankfulness spill from us.

Where I was about a year ago: The Awakening

I wanted to share with you an essay that I wrote over a year ago for my 12th grade AP English class, so you can get an idea of where I'm coming from. It is dated November 23, 2009.

A lot has changed since then. Now we have a somewhat conclusive diagnosis of Lyme disease. However, a lot has stayed the same.

It's best if you just read it.


The Awakening

As I awoke with another piercing migraine this morning, discouraging thoughts went racing through my head. I wondered if the pain would ever cease; if all the intercessory prayers, along with my own, would ever receive an affirmative response; if I would ever be able to enjoy my senior year of high school; if I would ever be on top again. Though my head was pounding, I arose from my warm and comfortable, queen-sized bed with a sigh, in order to arrive at yet another doctor’s appointment where I would undergo yet another diagnostic test. The fun just never ends.

This is a typical morning in the life of Elisabeth Edelman—a seventeen year old, chronic migraine sufferer. She has faced abounding disappointments, tainting every area of her life. Elisabeth’s view of hope is now as an unreachable, theoretical concept held captive behind a wall of suffering and despair that is built upon a firm foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her passions and desires are suppressed by the burdens of the present, and the future is uncertain. Once uncertainty and disappointment merge, discouragement accelerates.

As my mom ignored multiple speed limit signs while driving me to my appointment, I reflected on what had taken place the previous night. Being blindsided in a conversation with my director, I was informed that my spot in a prestigious performance group was questionable. Though I was shocked, I knew my health dictated the action. If I ever thought that my life was hard enough, a curve ball would hit me, thus, convincing me otherwise. In that moment, quiet tears of sadness streamed down my face, being replenished by an overwhelming sense of helplessness. I could do nothing to change the situation.

The performing arts give Elisabeth an outlet to express herself. They are therapeutic in distracting her from the constant, searing pain. The stage is also a place where Elisabeth can do what she does best—act as if she is not suffering. It provides Elisabeth with a mask that she can wear in addition to the armor of courage and stoicism she must put on everyday. While authenticity is adulterated when masks are worn off stage, masks are expected and required to be worn on stage. However, if Elisabeth’s stage mask were torn off, it would expose a young girl with a wounded spirit and hinder her expression of passion.

After returning home, taking medication, and resting my eyes in hope of relieving some pain, I craved a taste of the outside world, so I checked my e-mail. With little expectation that any message in my inbox could lift my heavy-laden spirit, I was pleasantly surprised by what I assumed would be just another pestering college reminder. It contained an encouraging quote that Abigail Adams had written in a letter to her son, John Quincy, “The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by the scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life and form the character of the hero and the statesman.” I was not quite sure how it happened, but when I finished reading that powerful quote, my anxious thoughts were silenced.

As Elisabeth sits back in her chair, something awakes inside her. Her hope has broken through the wall of suffering and despair, illuminating the foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her competitive nature has been refreshed, and she can now mentally prepare herself for battle against the opposition that currently wages war upon her entire being. Hope has transformed darkness into the light that guides Elisabeth through the despair of her present trial. Though she is in a season of grief, she knows that her pain is temporary while her hope is eternal.

I prayed the night before that God would remind me of what is essential in life, and He answered my prayer by restoring the hope that I had lost. Being caught in a storm of my own, I had lost sight of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I often pitied myself, and it consumed me. However, when I read Abigail Adams quote, I was inspired. I was reminded that my heart and mind are formed by the challenges I must face; without overcoming these obstacles, a crucial part of me remains dormant. Hope awakened my desire to endure this temporary pain in order that I may pursue my passions and live a joyous life again. I could lose everything, but if I have hope, I know I will be victorious.

Hope is the distinguishing factor separating despair and perseverance, and it is often found unexpectedly amidst struggle and hardship. Though at times it may seem as if hope has been captured by the high walls of despair, with a little faith and perseverance, hope can conquer those walls, take hold of passion and, thus, illuminate darkness. Character has the opportunity to develop the most when it is tested through the darkest trial; yet no light is too small for perseverance to be ignited, hope to be restored, and passion to be renewed. Ultimately, victory is won in the light.