Bird's Eye View

“Who stands fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom, or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith and in exclusive allegiance to God—the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God.”

 –Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

This week I’ve sensed a common theme of the need to stand firm in the faith in spite of pressures, fears, and struggles that tempt us to abandon the convictions and beliefs we hold in our hearts. Through my reading of Bonhoeffer's life and my reflections of Christ's example of suffering that he has left for us, I have been faced with the challenge to take God more seriously. Lest the saints cringe to see one’s perseverance in the faith diminish into the looming darkness, one must possess an undeniable responsibility to God’s call, stretching far beyond one’s self and suffering, that makes the muddy trek through hell on earth worth every inch. 

This dove, who has made her nest in the tree next to our porch, inspired me along the lines of this theme of perseverance and resilience, and so I've written her a short poem to conclude my post for this week. Please try to enjoy my attempt at poetry....

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 21

Innocent, pure, flawless Dove,

All too often have I underestimated your resilience. 

To my surprise, 

you remain steadfast to your duty: 

protecting your baby dove eggs

 even though blinded by the flashes of my camera and 

frightened by the dangerous blades of Daddy's trimmers. 

You know that I see you, and I know that you see me.

But this I must confess:

You have become the subject of my photo for the week

--I hope that's okay--

Not just for your beauty, though, 

for with you, there lies more beneath your fine feathers.

It is the strong will and dedication with which you respond to your call, 

which bids me to reevaluate my simple judgment on your kind. 

Your resistance to flight in the face of fear has inspired me, 

innocent, pure, flawless Dove,

to try to do the same.

Not just another flower picture

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 20/52
Some Good-Looking Thorns

In case anyone was wondering, it's a tad difficult to focus on the thorns of a rose bush when its decadent flowers constantly fight for your attention. Anyhow, that's what I tried to do in this picture for Week 20 of my 52 Week Project. Although I had to edit it a lot to achieve what I had in mind---some good-looking thorns---the entire process ironically encompasses the change of heart that I've experienced this past week.

I must start by explaining, in brief, the news we received at my doctor's appointment on Tuesday afternoon....

For the most part, we were very encouraged by the news: all the parasites, bacteria, and viruses are gone! I still have some "imprints" or scars on my cells from the Lyme bacteria, which has caused a slight autoimmune response, but after a month or so of taking a homeopathic remedy, I should be all clear. So that's very good news!  Praise be to God, the Great Physician who mends all our wounds and heals all our diseases!

With this great news, we had to ask the tough question about the possibility of permanent damage since I went undiagnosed and mistreated for so long and still have headaches everyday. The doctor said that sometimes patients have "dead spots" in their brain, which are supposedly permanent. I asked if those were technically called hypo-perfusions, because that's what showed up on my brain scan a while back when we first started thinking I had Lyme. He said yes, that they're the same. He continued to say, however, that even though the dead spots are lost now, the brain can re-route itself and work around those areas. The brain is pretty incredible.

But still, that's the part of the appointment that made it hard for me to fully rejoice over the miracle of healing. I thought, Wow, so I'm pretty much healthy, but because of this stupid brain damage I'll probably still feel pain, neuro symptoms, and memory impairment the rest of my life. That's just great.

After all I've experienced over the past three years, I most certainly cried over and still grieve the damage and loss, but I do not doubt in the least the sufficiency of God's grace, power, and strength in my weakness. Perhaps the dead spots will serve as a good reminder of how God has sustained and will continue to sustain me. I mean, it's a miracle that I've come this far already, and even with the permanent brain damage that remains, I know that God can still work miracles in and through me. What else could better attest to his great power and faithfulness? I can't help but to deeply identify, once again, with Paul when he writes about his vision and the thorn in 2 Corinthians 12:


To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (verses 7-10)

I honestly believe that God has purposefully made me weak, with regard to my own strength, in order to make me strong through the strength that comes from Him alone. God has healed me, but I think to keep me from becoming conceited---from boasting about my intelligence, achievements, and honors---he has chosen to allow some weakness and damage to remain in my brain. However, when I can boast gladly about that, though, Christ's power rests on me. I know this to be true. I've felt it. This amazing truth of Christ's power within me has transformed my mind in ways that no medicine or therapy ever could. Though outwardly and physically we are all wasting away, inwardly and spiritually I am being renewed day by day through the power of the Holy Spirit who helps me fix my eyes on the unseen, eternal aspects of life. Because in the big scheme of things, God knows that even permanent brain damage is really only temporary. One day He will restore and redeem everything. All will be made new. The dead will be raised and the dead spots will be brought back to life in the glorious presence of our risen Savior, Jesus Christ. Now that is some really Good News! Amen??

Coming back to where I started, with the idea of the thorn, I'm learning more than ever before that all good things must be protected. Just as rose thorns are a protective adaptation to keep animals from destroying the entire rosebush, maybe my brain damage will guard against conceit and pride, which seek to attack the good fruit, lessons learned, and spiritual maturity that the past three years of trial and pain have produced in me.  After all, nothing exists without purpose. Perhaps this is just it.

This Is The Story Of A Girl......

Only two more days of class left, then finals, and then I'm done my first year of college! I don't know where the time went. My mom has always said that the college years will be the fastest four (or five) years of my life. At the rate things are going, I think she's probably going to be right.

This past week has been crazy with finishing up papers and projects, and unfortunately, I haven't had as much quiet time with the Lord as I've needed. I was reading Psalm 139 this morning and was reminded of the reality of God's presence that I tend to lose sight of when I get wrapped up in the busyness of life.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 17/52

I feel like sometimes life seems more like riding a train. We get on knowing our final destination, but not being in control, we're not completely sure how we're going to get there.

The Conductor, however, knows the course. Even in our complaining about the multiple stops that must be made along on the way, we trust Him. After all, if we didn't, we wouldn't still be riding His train, right?

So, those were my thoughts this morning after reading Psalm 139 and reflecting on my week.

Since my metaphor has lots of holes in it, maybe it'd be better if you all just read God's Word for yourselves. . .

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;  you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. 

If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  ~  Psalm 139:1-24

I hope you all enjoy the picture for week 17 of my 52 Week Project, and remember that even when it doesn't feel like God's in control, He's the one who set down the tracks and knows the course full well.

Wet Hair and Wishes

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 16/52

A friendly hello to Week 16 of my 52 Week Project and to the hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dandelions springing up all over my backyard!! I remember as a kid searching for the fullest white dandelions, plucking them out of the ground, and making a wish as I blew the seeds away, hoping they would all disappear with the wind and somehow make my wish come true. Now I just take pictures of them and use them as illustrations for larger topics.

It's funny how time has a way of changing us: our thoughts, actions, and priorities. Looking back on our old selves (or young selves) we all can pinpoint at least one thing that we know now which has greatly influenced and changed us.

For me, it's not just my perception of dandelions, but of faith. When I was younger, I used to think of faith more like wishing on a dandelion. I would say prayers to God and hope that he would hear them and make my wishes come true. I thought maybe if I prayed hard enough, my words would make it up to Heaven like the dandelion seeds floating away with the wind.

I'm not sure when I realized that my dandelion, wishful faith was not the kind that the Bible talks about, but I've been writing this really long paper (that's due this Thursday!) on the influence of faith on my family dynamic, which has forced me to define what true faith really means. The first verse that comes to mind for a definition of faith is Hebrews 11:1 which says, "Faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you cannot see." But even that definition, I think at least, has holes. After all, I hope for a lot of things and there are many things that I can't see, so what is this verse talking about?

I think 1 Peter 1:3-9 sums it up pretty well. It answers my question from Hebrews 11 and then some. Take a look:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Q: What aspect of faith do we hope for?
A: An inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade, which is kept in Heaven for us as we are now being shielded by God's power until that day that we receive what we've hoped for --- of this we can be sure.

Q: What aspect of faith do we not see?
A: Jesus Christ, the object and the giver of our faith --- of Christ we can be certain.

Q: Is faith important?
A: Yes! It's of greater worth than gold!

Q: Why do we have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials?
A: So that our faith may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when we see Jesus face to face. After all, anything that's true should stand the test of trials.

Like I said earlier in this post, I don't know the day that I realized faith is more than wishful thinking, but I know that I've gained a clearer perspective on faith through the pain and suffering that I've endured. That's not to say that faith is just a resource that I pull out when times are tough. Rather, through trials and hardships, I've had to face the challenging question of "Who am I?" In faith, I recognize that I am a dearly loved child of God. If the storms of life must come to wash away the dirt that masks my true identity, than bring on the rain. If you ask me, a genuine faith and an inexpressible and glorious joy are most certainly worth getting my hair wet for.


Still have questions? Feel free to leave a comment or email me with anything that's on your heart.  

Surely Alive

I'm always pleasantly surprised when Spring persuades the flowers to finally bloom. After the winter's stretch of cold, dreary days--especially when the snow doesn't even come to brighten things up a bit--I find great joy in passing gardens full of flowers on my way to and from class. Even though I'm probably allergic to all of them, their beauty never ceases to make me smile. . . and so, here you have my picture for week 14 of my 52 Week Project!

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 14/52

It's amazing how such simple things like Springtime flowers, an encouraging note, or a surprise visit from a best friend (thanks Andrea!!) can cheer us up and remind us that life really is good.


When I think about how happy those "little" things make me and think about the "big" thing, or rather the biggest thing which was Jesus Christ's death and resurrection---the reason why we celebrate Easter---I'm completely blown away, struck in utter amazement by God's love for this world.


The fact that Jesus surrendered his own human will in order to obey his Father's will, take on the sins of this world, both yours and mine, in addition to God's wrath, which was poured out upon him, so that we could have eternal life and forever be in God's presence in Heaven one day. . . surely that is the greatest love that anyone could ever know.

Because Jesus Christ overcame the cross and the grave, thus defeating sin and death, rose on the third day, and now lives and reigns victorious on High, we should offer up thanksgiving and praise everyday in response to the One who gives us life and breath.


Not only does God sustain us physically, he desires that we experience life abundant, which we can only know through an abiding relationship with Him. This spiritual life that he offers is available to anyone who puts his or her hope and trust in Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross, resurrection, and life.

In confidence, we can proclaim, as Kristian Stanfield writes, 

"My God's not dead, He's surely alive, and He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!!" 

(this song has been stuck in my head all weekend. I couldn't help but share it. Hope you all like it!)

I hope that on this Easter day, we'll all rejoice in the life that we can have in Christ. May we never cease to smile at its amazing goodness. Just as winter passes and spring brings new life, Jesus' death and resurrection allows us the chance to be made new, to live again---to smile our way through the storms---and to experience love that transforms us into who we were created to be regardless of the season in which we find ourselves. 

Beautiful Timing

52 Week Project ~ 12/52

 For those of you who were in eastern PA this week, I'm sure you've enjoyed the unusually warm weather we've had. It seriously felt like summer, and I loved it! Friday afternoon was absolutely gorgeous. A perfect day to sit outside, soak up the sunshine, and marvel at the beauty of God's creation. There's something about a gentle breeze on a sunny, 80 degree afternoon that breathes life into us. It's a glorious feeling, isn't it?

As I walked around campus that afternoon, I took some pictures of flowers, hoping to get a good one for this week's photo. After all, March 20th was the first day of Spring, so a nice flower picture seemed quite fitting for the occasion. After I thought about it a little more though, I really wanted a picture of something blossoming, either a flower or a tree, but it had to be natural. I liked my flower pictures--i just really love flowers in general--but I knew that they were recently planted, taken from a pot and stuck in the ground, perfectly arranged the way someone else wanted. 

I was after a naturally blossoming picture because this week God has laid Ecclesiastes chapter 3 on my heart. The first verse plainly states: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." It then goes on to list various things... you should really go read it for yourself. After that list, verse 11 says, talking about God, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." 

The first time I read this passage, I remember being amazed by the truth of its simplicity. Knowing that God has made everything we see--the flowers, the trees, the grass--and is over everything that takes place on earth--the weather, the change of seasons, the blossoming of nature--it must all have a purpose and that purpose must be good because God is good. Even when it comes to you and me and what goes on in our lives everyday, God has made us and is sovereign over it all. 

Since God is perfect in his nature and all that he does, he can do no wrong. Yet, as humans, we are not God. We are finite beings and not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. It makes sense then that when we take matters into our own hands, when we rely on ourselves or other people for that matter, and trust our flawed sense of the "right" timing, things don't always turn out as beautifully as we had hoped. Often we want things to work out so bad sometimes that we push and pull until our hopes and dreams tear and shatter before our very eyes. 

And then what do we do? We sit back and blame God for the pain and unhappiness we feel when in reality, we brought it upon ourselves by not trusting that God would work it out. Although we often do, we cannot blame God if we don't trust him and his timing. If we do soever trust God and believe that he is true to his word and does make everything beautiful in its time--which isn't always our time--than we wouldn't be so quick to blame in him these matters when life doesn't seem to go our way.

When we recognize that we live in God's world, and not the other way around, maybe we'll begin to trust that his timing really is beautiful, right, perfect. Maybe we'll get a real sense of our finitude and dependence on the God who created us to be in close relationship with him. Maybe then we'll see and fully experience more blessings in disguise. For I believe that only those who trust in the Lord, whose hope is in Him, have the ability to recognize and receive those blessings in their fullest, intended measure. 

If our perception of reality is the reality that we experience, we must learn to see through eyes of faith. Though God's presence is all around us all and his love can be found in all things, only those with eyes of faith and an open heart will see and feel God and recognize it as him. Do you recognize Him? 

We may never be able to fathom what God has done from beginning to end, but we can hope because God has set eternity in our hearts, and we can trust because God makes all things beautiful in its time.