The "Home Stretch"

52 Week Project~Week 18

It's amazing how a little bit of pressure...aka Finals Week...can make us college students really grow to value the small things in life that we often fail to fully enjoy:

A Lottie breakfast date/cram sesh before an 8 am exam. A surprise cup of tea from a friend. Sharing flashcards. A warm smile after way too many hours spent studying late in the library. Late night pancakes. Free pancakes! Dogs in the Union?? Finishing a final early. Learning how to construct a "buff chick" wrap...and then making a mess trying to figure out how to eat it. Listening to Needtobreathe on my ipod walking around campus. A light sun shower after a steamy Friday afternoon. Getting mail. Going to Baker's. Catching up with friends. Cookies, ice cream, & pizza, yumm. Singing in the shower together. Sharing vitamins and cold medicine. Walking barefoot. Random dance parties. Weird dreams. And last but not least, playing with chalk in the middle of the basketball court...trying to complete our masterpiece before the storm came to wash it away.

And that, my friends, is my photo of Week 18.

SEE?? It is amazing how a little bit of pressure can help us grow to enjoy the small things in life. Between the overload of stress and lack of sleep during this past week, I would've thought that I'd have been in a bad mood. But I've actually noticed way more positives, especially over the past few days.

To give you an example, in addition to the awesome list and picture above, on Wednesday evening, before I had to stop studying and just go back to my room to get some sleep, I pulled off a book from the shelf behind me. I happened to be sitting in the Theology section of the library in the cubbies that I usually never go to. But during my last study break, I opened up to a random page in a chapter entitled "The Gift of Surrender" and read the following:

"Jacob wrestles all night long with no hope of really winning. At the end of the night, he is still in the struggle but ready finally to give it up without needing to triumph. He can just be what he is. It is enough, he understands, simply to persist rather than to need to overcome. To persist is to live in hope. To insist on overcoming the enemy, on the other hand, only dooms us to perpetual contention over something that may not have perpetual value. Not to us, not to anyone... Surrender is the moment in which we realize that it is time to become someone new. Surrender is not about giving up; it is about moving on.” ~ Joan Chittister, Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope (p. 59)

At the time, in the midst of all the undue stress that I place on myself with doing well on finals, that was exactly what I needed to hear in order to survive this last "home stretch" (as everyone keeps reminding me) of my freshman year of college.

I can just be what I am. It is enough for me to simply persist rather than to need to overcome the struggle that lies before me. To insist on being perfect or getting straight A's, even if it means missing out on the experience of fully enjoying the little things of college life, dooms me to "perpetual contention over something that may not have perpetual value."

Persistance, I'm learning, does not require absolute perfection. All it requires is a little bit (or a lot a bit) of pressure that forces us to learn how to enjoy the small things in life. Because without them, surrender is pointless. After all, "to persist is to live in hope," and we must have an idea of what we're hoping for.

"Surrender is the moment in which we realize 

that it is time to become someone new. 

Surrender is not about giving up; 

it is about moving on."

Battling for the New

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 5/52
Taken at Midtown Scholar in Harrisburg, PA

A slight breeze of uneasiness often comes over me when I try something new for the very first time. Whether or not the uneasiness blows from the hovering clouds retaining my fear of the unknown, my insecurity, or my doubt, it has the notorious ability of keeping me up at night. At the beginning of the week, I moved my stuff back to Messiah for the start of the spring semester. Initially, I had the hardest time falling asleep in my newly arranged room, but I somehow seemed to wake up ready to take on each new day with a strange, nervous energy. If you’ve met me, you know that I am the farthest from being a morning person. However, the odd combination of excitement and uneasiness rolled me out of bed, most days before my alarm even told me to! And, like most other college students, that rarely ever happens to me.

It has surely been a week full of new experiences—new classes, professors, and books; new hall mates, laughter, and friendships; new blessings, hardships, and opportunities. The picture for week 5 of my 52 Week Project was taken in the Poetry section of Midtown Scholar, an old bookstore/coffe house renovated from a movie theater located somewhere in the city Harrisburg (except I couldn't tell you where because today was my first time visiting the place...another new experience of mine!).  All this newness got me thinking about both the fear and the joy which so often surrounds the new.

We always have a choice when it comes to stepping out and trying new things. We can either allow fear to paralyze us, keeping us stuck in the ways of the old, or we can overcome that fear, and thereby, take hold of the joy, satisfaction, and blessing, which accompanies the new.

Now I realize that not all new things are necessarily good, and sometimes fear protects us from naively entering into dangerous circumstances. However, I think you know that's not the kind of fear I'm talking about. There comes a time when we must put off the old and put on the new, whether we’re fearful or not.

As Christians in particular, who have been made new in Christ, the time has already come. But in case you missed the memo, the time is now. Regardless of your past regrets, regardless of your past mistakes, whether you messed up a year ago or 5 minutes ago, in Christ, you are a new creation. The old has gone; the sin, all of it, has been forgiven, wiped out, erased. Because of Christ’s blood that was shed for you, your future is spotless. You can now clothe yourself with his righteousness, holiness, and dignity. Fear and shame need not hold you back from the joy of the Lord, the joy of your salvation, the joy of living as one who's been made new.

If you’re still feeling a breeze of uneasiness, if you’re stuck in the shadow of the cloud of the unknown, if you have yet to experience this newness in Christ, I would encourage you to take the steps necessary for you to personally overcome whatever fear and doubt are holding you back from acquiring such joy. 

Ask questions. There are answers.

Cry out to God. He hears you.

Let Christ’s love revive your weary soul. He longs to do so.

God, the maker of Heaven and Earth, longs to be in relation with you, longs to make you whole, longs to make you new. Don’t let your fear of abandoning your old ways disguise the ultimate blessing of God’s redeeming grace.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” ~ Luke 11:9-10

Lessons of Trust

Being sick, I have much more free time in my day than most people. In fact, I would venture to say that more often than not, my free time significantly outweighs the time I spend doing things I must do. Some days I value all the time I have to myself, but other days I long for more structure, for something that I have to do. Today has been a nice balance of both.

The three things I absolutely had to do included calling in a refill on a prescription I needed, getting in touch with my doctor about adding in more antibiotics, and connecting with my admissions counselor at Messiah College (where God-willing, I’ll be attending in the fall!). By two o’clock in the afternoon I finished everything! Most of you probably won’t be able to understand, but small feats like that are big accomplishments for me. Although my To-do List each day isn’t very long, it usually does take all day to complete everything.

Once that was done, I pretty much had the rest of the day to do with as I pleased. My activity of choice was reading. I do love to read, especially when I learn valuable lessons from the wisdom of the authors who I respect greatly. Last night I had read the first ten chapters (they were very short chapters) of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. I had always wanted to read her books because she spelled her name the same way I spell mine--with an ‘s’ instead of a ‘z’—and this one caught my eye as I was looking through our church’s library one night a couple weeks ago. The book is due this Sunday, so I thought it’s time I get to reading it if I want to finish it on time.

So far, it has told the beautiful story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot’s relationship as they waited on the Lord for many years before they announced their engagement and were married. All throughout the chapters, Elisabeth includes timely scripture and portions of journal entries and letters she’s received from various people asking for her advice. Her wisdom is profound and she writes in a way that makes me want to keep reading more.

However, after finishing chapter 18 which is entitled, What Providence Has Gone and Done, I paused taking it all in and I knew I had to write about it. So I forced myself to put down the book, made a strawberry and pineapple smoothie, and here I am, about to share with you the incredibly insightful words I just read. Are you ready?? It’s good stuff. A “spiritual yummy” as a dear friend of mine likes to say. Mhmmm. ☺

Ahhh where to start? I wish I could copy the whole chapter so you could read it, but I’ll do my best to summarize. Forgive me if I write too much. Summarizing is not one of my gifts. Here it goes….

Jim and Elisabeth have professed their love for each other but must spend a great deal of time apart. Elisabeth has described her agonies of the soul. She is lovesick; yet, not reluctant to do what God wants her to do. She is determined to obey, but wonders, “Is it absolutely necessary for God to yank out of sight whatever we most prize, to drag us into spiritual traumas of the severest sort, to strip us naked in the winds of His purifying Spirit in order that we should learn to trust?” She admits that she’s overreacting over her love life and considers the real tribulation of the Apostle Paul. “Talk about lessons in trust,” she writes. “Have a look at what [he] suffered: shipwrecks, flogging, public lashings, imprisonment, chains, stocks, starvation, nakedness—all heaped on a man who, in spite of years of having persecuted Christians, had been transformed in an instant into God’s faithful servant.” And yet Paul’s testimony of trust is unwavering. In Romans 8:31-39 Paul declares,

“31What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us? 32God did not keep back his own Son, but he gave him for us. If God did this, won't he freely give us everything else? 33If God says his chosen ones are acceptable to him, can anyone bring charges against them? 34Or can anyone condemn them? No indeed! Christ died and was raised to life, and now he is at God's right side, speaking to him for us. 35Can anything separate us from the love of Christ? Can trouble, suffering, and hard times, or hunger and nakedness, or danger and death? 36It is exactly as the Scriptures say,
"For you we face death
all day long.
We are like sheep
on their way
to be butchered."
37In everything we have won more than a victory because of Christ who loves us. 38I am sure that nothing can separate us from God's love--not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, 39and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!”

Here’s the point of all this…. “Paul did not escape trouble. He was not exempt from human woes…Yet he was able to say he was winning the victory through Him who has proved His love for us. How? How had he proved His love? – Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature…The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love—that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us—not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

Those are some strong words. But that’s total truth right there. Elisabeth speaks from years of experience, and continues by applying this truth to her love life dilemma. “Perhaps matters of the heart would seem like little things to Paul. I have a haunch they would. Well then—what about those? Can they put us beyond His love and redemption? The point is that we have to learn to trust in little things, even in what may seem like silly things, if we are ever going to be privileged to suffer in the big things….It’s no use trying to measure suffering. What matters is making the right use of it, taking advantage of the sense of helplessness it brings to turn one’s thoughts to God. Trust is the lesson. Jesus loves me, this I know—not because He does just what I’d like, but because the Bible tells me so. Calvary proves it. He loved me and gave Himself for me.”

Well, I think Elisabeth said it all. This was perfect timing for me, especially with Good Friday and Easter coming so soon. It served as a good reminder for me, and I thought it’d be easier to share it this way. I hope you’re blessed by it as well.

Luke 16:10 ~ “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

<3

I expected...

A year ago, I expected that I would have successfully completed my first semester at Messiah College by now, but God had different plans.

Six months ago, I expected that I would have moved into my dorm with my two roommates this past weekend. I expected to have survived my first full day of classes today, and fall asleep in a building with hundreds of other girls and guys my age. I never expected that I'd be sitting here in my bed, alone, in the same room as always, at 11 o'clock updating my blog...

I expected to be in a place where I could learn, where I could thrive, where I could mature. Like most of people my age, I expected that to happen at college. Little did I know, that where I am today, is the very place where God destined me to learn, to thrive, and to mature in ways that I never would've expected (Eph. 3:20). In the quiet stillness of my room, in the comfort of my queen-sized bed, with a heating pad bringing waves of relief to the pounding in my head--this is where much of my learning takes place these days.

And you know what? I'm completely okay with that. As much as I'd love to be learning about literature, psychology, statistics, and philosophy at college right now, I am convinced that God still desires to teach me things here that I wouldn't be able to learn elsewhere. I have learned life lessons that I could never have learned from my professors at college (no offense to them, but some lessons are divine, beyond man's ability to teach, and must be taught by the Best of the best if you know what I mean), and I am learning new things everyday.

Yes, I'm not where I expected to be by now, but I believe I'm where I'm supposed to be. I expected to be healed from this invasive illness that has plagued me for nearly the past two years, but I'm still fighting it. I expected to have my life back by now, but I'm learning that in order to find my life, I first must lose my life (Matt. 10:39). That sounds so strange, I know, but I'm still just learning, so it's okay.

About an hour ago, I expected to be finishing up writing a post entitled, "Enrolling in the School of Prayer," since that's the topic of the book I just started reading, but I kind of went a different direction. Maybe the lesson to be learned tonight is more along this line---When reality doesn't line up with our expectations (which happens A LOT more than we'd like) we just gotta let go of our pride and roll with it. Stay positive, and keep on keeping on!

Yep! Sounds good to me! :)

Peace out!