Does this metaphor echoe the sharp tones of your life?
I've often found myself wrestling with the imagery of a mountain-centered life and the valleys it inevitably creates. Even my blog's subtitle reflects this widely-accepted view:
Discovering that, sometimes, the finest treasures can only be found in the deepest valleys.
In light of all this, it makes perfect sense for me to believe that if I'm failing to ascend to higher heights, than either
(a) I'm paralyzed somewhere on the side of the mountain---lost, scared, & confused---
(b) I'm hanging off the edge of a cliff awaiting a painful plunge, or
(c) I've already fallen into a deep valley far below all my past efforts and failed attempts to reach my goals.
Right?
Well, not really. But that's how I've felt lately.
After experiencing a harsh relapse of symptoms (around the time of my last post), I seem to have hit a bit of a rough patch...been stuck in a rut...fallen and haven't been able to get back up. It's almost as if I'm back at Square One with all this health crap. Full of uncertainty, disappointment, and questions...
Lots of questions.
From this heap of questions has arisen one, which, like many others, demands an answer:
What if I didn't view life as a mountain to climb?
And yet, all I can come up with is more questions.
Does that mean I should toss all my goals and dreams out the window and spend my days watching marathons of The Mentalist? No--leveling the mountain doesn't eliminate ambition.
Maybe I wouldn't feel so "defeated" when I find myself in a place that I formerly viewed as a valley?
Maybe I would take more time to notice---my surroundings and the people and relationships---that which I often overlooked when I had my mind fixed on reaching the top?
Maybe I would do what Ecclesiastes 11:8 says,
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| 52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 31 |
Amid the uncertainty lurking in these questions, one certain answer comes to mind.
I'd have to resist the temptation of a mountain-centered life on a daily basis because everywhere I look, that's what I see. Whether it's corporate ladder climbing or grad school applying, this "make-it-to-the-top-as-fast-as-you-can" fever is dangerously contagious.
The opposite extreme proves no better. The news of my medical leave from school goes out and in come the consolation text messages, the "I'm soooo sorry" hugs, the sad faces followed by a "How you holding up?" They all come from sincere hearts, I know, but they support a view of life that I'm trying to release.
If life really was a mountain, than this medical leave would be a major setback. However, since I refuse to adopt a victim's mentality no matter how crappy I feel, this season is anything but a setback.
With that said, yes...I'm grieving my loss; I'm frustrated beyond words; I haven't a clue how it's all going to turn out, and that scares me a bit. After all, I'm still human.
But don't you worry.
I'll be on the look-out for some blessings in disguise.
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In the meantime, I need some advice. Should I change my blog's subtitle?? Leave any thoughts or suggestions through the "add a comment" link below.
blessings,
In the meantime, I need some advice. Should I change my blog's subtitle?? Leave any thoughts or suggestions through the "add a comment" link below.
blessings,
