Breaking Through Reality's Limits

Last week was so busy that I did not have time to post, but after taking well over 500 pictures, I had a hard time picking just one to write about for week 23 of my 52 Week Project. This one stood out to me though. 

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 23

For starters, I've never seen a storm cloud like this before in my life! On Thursday evening, my boyfriend Pat, two of his cousins, and I walked up 110th street in Stone Harbor so the boys could practice their golf swing by the ocean. I tagged along of course, hoping to snag some cool pictures on the beach, but we didn't stay for very long. Once we reached the sand, we spotted this crazy cloud off to our left. It had lightning bolts shooting down from it and stretched twice as long as what I could capture in this photo. For nearly ten minutes, I focused my camera and all my attention on this cloud, attempting to catch a shot of the lightning.

Little did we know, as we stood fixated on this cloud to our left, that an even larger, darker, scarier storm cloud was forming right above us.

This picture doesn't really convey the apprehension we all were feeling at the time, but those clouds were moving fast enough that we unanimously decided to call it a night and head home.  

My experience that night on the beach reminds me of how often I become so focused on the stressors and upsets of life that I fail to recognize the more serious spiritual warfare taking place all around me, thus leaving myself unprotected from Satan's attacks. 

There is so much more to this life than life itself. As the finite beings that we are, we often have great trouble looking past our present circumstances. We secretly desire more, but we fear that our longing will never be satisfied because we've grown so accustomed to a limited reality of life. And so we make our best effort to survive on the tiny morsels of temporary happiness that we can salvage, hoping they'll suffice, but knowing from past experience that they can never quite last long enough. 

In the same way that I failed to see that dark storm cloud above me on the beach because I was focusing on the strange, long cloud, we won't ever see more than our present circumstances if we don't turn ourselves around and look up. Only by the grace of God and his incredible mercy can we even begin to understand the mystery of the unseen spiritual reality that surrounds us. We need to become more aware of the limits that we place on reality and be open to how God will break through them. Until God's work is completed, the battle against evil and our own sinful nature continues to rage; yet, we must not forget that God's plan entails redeeming the whole world, so we can be sure that things are changing---even when the storm clouds roll in---and in the end, all will be changed for good. God never abandons the work of his hands, but promises to finish with the mark of perfection.

With this in mind, we need not fear the battle. For our Lord already has won the victory, and He has given us everything we need for life and godliness. As 2 Peter 1:3-4 states, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." What a blessing it is to catch glimpses of God's grand scheme of things. 

A couple weeks ago I wrote a poem for the dove in our front garden. This week, I'm making another attempt at the whole poetry thing because I feel like prose can't adequately express the dynamics of my experience this week. 

"I Long for You"

I long to desire You above all others,

to seek you first, forsaking the rest.

Though now my heart still roams and wanders,

Your arms are where I know I belong, where I fit best.

I long to know You and to be known by You

in the most intimate way that transforms my soul.

Though my body is weak and my thoughts ever fleeting,

My spirit cries out, "Lord, take me home! Just take me home!"

I long to please you Lord in everything I say and do,

to bless your name, oh Great I Am.

Though I have stumbled and fallen many a time,

You cleanse me once again with the blood of the Lamb. 

Not just another flower picture

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 20/52
Some Good-Looking Thorns

In case anyone was wondering, it's a tad difficult to focus on the thorns of a rose bush when its decadent flowers constantly fight for your attention. Anyhow, that's what I tried to do in this picture for Week 20 of my 52 Week Project. Although I had to edit it a lot to achieve what I had in mind---some good-looking thorns---the entire process ironically encompasses the change of heart that I've experienced this past week.

I must start by explaining, in brief, the news we received at my doctor's appointment on Tuesday afternoon....

For the most part, we were very encouraged by the news: all the parasites, bacteria, and viruses are gone! I still have some "imprints" or scars on my cells from the Lyme bacteria, which has caused a slight autoimmune response, but after a month or so of taking a homeopathic remedy, I should be all clear. So that's very good news!  Praise be to God, the Great Physician who mends all our wounds and heals all our diseases!

With this great news, we had to ask the tough question about the possibility of permanent damage since I went undiagnosed and mistreated for so long and still have headaches everyday. The doctor said that sometimes patients have "dead spots" in their brain, which are supposedly permanent. I asked if those were technically called hypo-perfusions, because that's what showed up on my brain scan a while back when we first started thinking I had Lyme. He said yes, that they're the same. He continued to say, however, that even though the dead spots are lost now, the brain can re-route itself and work around those areas. The brain is pretty incredible.

But still, that's the part of the appointment that made it hard for me to fully rejoice over the miracle of healing. I thought, Wow, so I'm pretty much healthy, but because of this stupid brain damage I'll probably still feel pain, neuro symptoms, and memory impairment the rest of my life. That's just great.

After all I've experienced over the past three years, I most certainly cried over and still grieve the damage and loss, but I do not doubt in the least the sufficiency of God's grace, power, and strength in my weakness. Perhaps the dead spots will serve as a good reminder of how God has sustained and will continue to sustain me. I mean, it's a miracle that I've come this far already, and even with the permanent brain damage that remains, I know that God can still work miracles in and through me. What else could better attest to his great power and faithfulness? I can't help but to deeply identify, once again, with Paul when he writes about his vision and the thorn in 2 Corinthians 12:


To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (verses 7-10)

I honestly believe that God has purposefully made me weak, with regard to my own strength, in order to make me strong through the strength that comes from Him alone. God has healed me, but I think to keep me from becoming conceited---from boasting about my intelligence, achievements, and honors---he has chosen to allow some weakness and damage to remain in my brain. However, when I can boast gladly about that, though, Christ's power rests on me. I know this to be true. I've felt it. This amazing truth of Christ's power within me has transformed my mind in ways that no medicine or therapy ever could. Though outwardly and physically we are all wasting away, inwardly and spiritually I am being renewed day by day through the power of the Holy Spirit who helps me fix my eyes on the unseen, eternal aspects of life. Because in the big scheme of things, God knows that even permanent brain damage is really only temporary. One day He will restore and redeem everything. All will be made new. The dead will be raised and the dead spots will be brought back to life in the glorious presence of our risen Savior, Jesus Christ. Now that is some really Good News! Amen??

Coming back to where I started, with the idea of the thorn, I'm learning more than ever before that all good things must be protected. Just as rose thorns are a protective adaptation to keep animals from destroying the entire rosebush, maybe my brain damage will guard against conceit and pride, which seek to attack the good fruit, lessons learned, and spiritual maturity that the past three years of trial and pain have produced in me.  After all, nothing exists without purpose. Perhaps this is just it.

Wet Hair and Wishes

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 16/52

A friendly hello to Week 16 of my 52 Week Project and to the hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dandelions springing up all over my backyard!! I remember as a kid searching for the fullest white dandelions, plucking them out of the ground, and making a wish as I blew the seeds away, hoping they would all disappear with the wind and somehow make my wish come true. Now I just take pictures of them and use them as illustrations for larger topics.

It's funny how time has a way of changing us: our thoughts, actions, and priorities. Looking back on our old selves (or young selves) we all can pinpoint at least one thing that we know now which has greatly influenced and changed us.

For me, it's not just my perception of dandelions, but of faith. When I was younger, I used to think of faith more like wishing on a dandelion. I would say prayers to God and hope that he would hear them and make my wishes come true. I thought maybe if I prayed hard enough, my words would make it up to Heaven like the dandelion seeds floating away with the wind.

I'm not sure when I realized that my dandelion, wishful faith was not the kind that the Bible talks about, but I've been writing this really long paper (that's due this Thursday!) on the influence of faith on my family dynamic, which has forced me to define what true faith really means. The first verse that comes to mind for a definition of faith is Hebrews 11:1 which says, "Faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you cannot see." But even that definition, I think at least, has holes. After all, I hope for a lot of things and there are many things that I can't see, so what is this verse talking about?

I think 1 Peter 1:3-9 sums it up pretty well. It answers my question from Hebrews 11 and then some. Take a look:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Q: What aspect of faith do we hope for?
A: An inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade, which is kept in Heaven for us as we are now being shielded by God's power until that day that we receive what we've hoped for --- of this we can be sure.

Q: What aspect of faith do we not see?
A: Jesus Christ, the object and the giver of our faith --- of Christ we can be certain.

Q: Is faith important?
A: Yes! It's of greater worth than gold!

Q: Why do we have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials?
A: So that our faith may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when we see Jesus face to face. After all, anything that's true should stand the test of trials.

Like I said earlier in this post, I don't know the day that I realized faith is more than wishful thinking, but I know that I've gained a clearer perspective on faith through the pain and suffering that I've endured. That's not to say that faith is just a resource that I pull out when times are tough. Rather, through trials and hardships, I've had to face the challenging question of "Who am I?" In faith, I recognize that I am a dearly loved child of God. If the storms of life must come to wash away the dirt that masks my true identity, than bring on the rain. If you ask me, a genuine faith and an inexpressible and glorious joy are most certainly worth getting my hair wet for.


Still have questions? Feel free to leave a comment or email me with anything that's on your heart.  

Surely Alive

I'm always pleasantly surprised when Spring persuades the flowers to finally bloom. After the winter's stretch of cold, dreary days--especially when the snow doesn't even come to brighten things up a bit--I find great joy in passing gardens full of flowers on my way to and from class. Even though I'm probably allergic to all of them, their beauty never ceases to make me smile. . . and so, here you have my picture for week 14 of my 52 Week Project!

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 14/52

It's amazing how such simple things like Springtime flowers, an encouraging note, or a surprise visit from a best friend (thanks Andrea!!) can cheer us up and remind us that life really is good.


When I think about how happy those "little" things make me and think about the "big" thing, or rather the biggest thing which was Jesus Christ's death and resurrection---the reason why we celebrate Easter---I'm completely blown away, struck in utter amazement by God's love for this world.


The fact that Jesus surrendered his own human will in order to obey his Father's will, take on the sins of this world, both yours and mine, in addition to God's wrath, which was poured out upon him, so that we could have eternal life and forever be in God's presence in Heaven one day. . . surely that is the greatest love that anyone could ever know.

Because Jesus Christ overcame the cross and the grave, thus defeating sin and death, rose on the third day, and now lives and reigns victorious on High, we should offer up thanksgiving and praise everyday in response to the One who gives us life and breath.


Not only does God sustain us physically, he desires that we experience life abundant, which we can only know through an abiding relationship with Him. This spiritual life that he offers is available to anyone who puts his or her hope and trust in Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross, resurrection, and life.

In confidence, we can proclaim, as Kristian Stanfield writes, 

"My God's not dead, He's surely alive, and He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!!" 

(this song has been stuck in my head all weekend. I couldn't help but share it. Hope you all like it!)

I hope that on this Easter day, we'll all rejoice in the life that we can have in Christ. May we never cease to smile at its amazing goodness. Just as winter passes and spring brings new life, Jesus' death and resurrection allows us the chance to be made new, to live again---to smile our way through the storms---and to experience love that transforms us into who we were created to be regardless of the season in which we find ourselves. 

Beautiful Timing

52 Week Project ~ 12/52

 For those of you who were in eastern PA this week, I'm sure you've enjoyed the unusually warm weather we've had. It seriously felt like summer, and I loved it! Friday afternoon was absolutely gorgeous. A perfect day to sit outside, soak up the sunshine, and marvel at the beauty of God's creation. There's something about a gentle breeze on a sunny, 80 degree afternoon that breathes life into us. It's a glorious feeling, isn't it?

As I walked around campus that afternoon, I took some pictures of flowers, hoping to get a good one for this week's photo. After all, March 20th was the first day of Spring, so a nice flower picture seemed quite fitting for the occasion. After I thought about it a little more though, I really wanted a picture of something blossoming, either a flower or a tree, but it had to be natural. I liked my flower pictures--i just really love flowers in general--but I knew that they were recently planted, taken from a pot and stuck in the ground, perfectly arranged the way someone else wanted. 

I was after a naturally blossoming picture because this week God has laid Ecclesiastes chapter 3 on my heart. The first verse plainly states: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." It then goes on to list various things... you should really go read it for yourself. After that list, verse 11 says, talking about God, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." 

The first time I read this passage, I remember being amazed by the truth of its simplicity. Knowing that God has made everything we see--the flowers, the trees, the grass--and is over everything that takes place on earth--the weather, the change of seasons, the blossoming of nature--it must all have a purpose and that purpose must be good because God is good. Even when it comes to you and me and what goes on in our lives everyday, God has made us and is sovereign over it all. 

Since God is perfect in his nature and all that he does, he can do no wrong. Yet, as humans, we are not God. We are finite beings and not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. It makes sense then that when we take matters into our own hands, when we rely on ourselves or other people for that matter, and trust our flawed sense of the "right" timing, things don't always turn out as beautifully as we had hoped. Often we want things to work out so bad sometimes that we push and pull until our hopes and dreams tear and shatter before our very eyes. 

And then what do we do? We sit back and blame God for the pain and unhappiness we feel when in reality, we brought it upon ourselves by not trusting that God would work it out. Although we often do, we cannot blame God if we don't trust him and his timing. If we do soever trust God and believe that he is true to his word and does make everything beautiful in its time--which isn't always our time--than we wouldn't be so quick to blame in him these matters when life doesn't seem to go our way.

When we recognize that we live in God's world, and not the other way around, maybe we'll begin to trust that his timing really is beautiful, right, perfect. Maybe we'll get a real sense of our finitude and dependence on the God who created us to be in close relationship with him. Maybe then we'll see and fully experience more blessings in disguise. For I believe that only those who trust in the Lord, whose hope is in Him, have the ability to recognize and receive those blessings in their fullest, intended measure. 

If our perception of reality is the reality that we experience, we must learn to see through eyes of faith. Though God's presence is all around us all and his love can be found in all things, only those with eyes of faith and an open heart will see and feel God and recognize it as him. Do you recognize Him? 

We may never be able to fathom what God has done from beginning to end, but we can hope because God has set eternity in our hearts, and we can trust because God makes all things beautiful in its time. 

Longing For Where I Belong

In my last post I wrote about how I've experienced God as my shatter-proof refuge through the shock and disillusionment of unexpected troubles and difficulties. When we trust in the Lord, who acts as our strength and our stronghold in times of trouble--our Rescue and our Deliverer--the trials we face possess the unmatched potential of developing within us an irrevocable desire for eternity. Hurt and pain can either drive our hearts into the ground or intensify our longing for that hopeful day when we'll experience complete healing and renewal. Nurturing this craving, as opposed to ignoring it or writing it off as a far-off fantasy, has been essential to my spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being and has drastically transformed both my understanding of God and my relationship with Him.

Have you ever felt frustrated, discouraged, or dismayed by the pain and the suffering you see throughout the world--natural disasters, poverty, oppression? Have you ever felt outraged by the evil of our day that has polluted innocent children like those in Uganda--KONY 2012 anyone? Have you ever felt that this is not how life should be, that there's gotta be more than this?

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 10/52
Warwick Furnace

On a smaller scale, when we see abandoned buildings, or trees split by lightning, or thorns and thistle choking the life out of plants, we often have a similar reaction...that is, assuming we take the time to react. We know that the sad remnant in front of us does not line up with its original purpose or design. Even if we simply look away and refuse to acknowledge the brokenness, that reaction still speaks to our desire for wholeness, for a world where life and love reign, for something more than this. Our normal reactions, and whatever emotions they encompass, indicate our recognition that something is wrong with this picture.

However, despite these reactions, I also suggest that just as everything has a purpose--form does not exist without function--the existence of pain and suffering conveys the fact that it, too, must have a function. My psychology book presents pain as a biopsychosocial phenomenon that we must seek to understand in terms of its biological, psychological, and social influences. It argues the purpose of pain lies its message, which warns us that something is wrong. If pain indicates that something is wrong, the logical flip-side to this phenomenon illustrates the "rightness" of a time and place free from pain.

I'd like to encourage you in the midst of the confusion and chaos by proposing that the very existence of your feelings of frustration and wonder suggests that this is not how the world was originally meant to be and that there is, indeed, something better yet to come. Otherwise, we would not have a problem with pain and suffering nor would we have a desire to see it to go away.

With that logic in mind, I believe we can confidently and rationally justify our hope and our longing for Heaven, the place where pain and suffering cease to exist. Through eyes of faith, we can view our present suffering as a promise of the future glory that will soon be revealed to us. Until that day, we continue to persevere in faith, being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see. We continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ who entered into our suffering and took it on completely so that we could have the opportunity to take on his righteousness and his glory if we so choose. We shall continue to rest in the arms of our God, who created us out of love and desires to comfort us and pour out his blessing upon us in the midst of our pain.  We continue to live with the perspective that this world is not our final destination. We were created for perfect relation with God which is why our hearts long for something more than the brokenness that we experience here on this earth. Not only do we feel it, but nature feels the same deep ache and groans in anticipation for the day of redemption as well. Restoration is coming!

If home is where the heart is, I hope that we will embrace the truth that Heaven is our home because our hearts belong with the One who "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3). His name is Jesus.

"...and my soul is getting restless for the place where I belong, I can't wait to join the angels and sing my Heaven song"

 ~ Heaven Song by Phil Wickham

Don't Even Hesitate!

I can't say I've experienced too many concerts in my lifetime--I could probably count how many I've been to on one hand (sad, I know)--but I've heard some horror stories of people getting seriously injured from the perilous combination of hardcore moshing and crazy fans. Others have had their eardrums burst and/or have lost their voice for days. Insanity! Right?

Fortunately, I woke up on Friday morning after Winter Jam with only two sore arm muscles. No fights. I promise. It was a Christian concert; The Christian Concert: 10 bands for only $10. With music from Sanctus Real and Skillet, Building 429 and Kari Jobe, which were my favorite, I had the time of my life. By the end of the night, my camera informed me that I had exhausted its battery. Rumor has it that's because I spent the majority of the concert holding my camera up to see above the crowd trying to capture the best shot I possibly could of the rockin' stage. Usually I don't trust rumors, but 'tis true. And the winner, stealing the title of Week 4 Photo, is....

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 4/52

There is just something about capturing the splendor of a night like that. I don't think I ever fully could perform such a miracle, but try to imagine for yourselves: the entire Sovereign Center in Reading, PA completely filled, a roaring sea of people, hands outstretched and voices raised, praising the Lord our God, sold out for the King of kings, rejoicing over the Maker of Heaven and Earth. It gives me the slightest taste of the Heaven for which I crave, something like what John described in Revelation 7:9: "...I saw a vast crowd, too great to count, from every nation and tribe and people and language, standing in front of the throne and before the Lamb. They were clothed in white robes and held palm branches in their hands" (ESV). Minus the robes and the palm branches, and replace the throne with a ginormous stage and flashy spot lights...well, you see the picture. 

I love the diversity of the body of Christ and the diversity of worship that emerges as a result. Traditional hymns, contemporary songs, raps, spoken word, etc. In the end, it all goes to the same place. I can't imagine why it wouldn't please God to hear the sound of his children using the gifts and talents they've been given in a creative way to usher glory to his name. After all He created us in his image--imago dei--we serve, worship, and adore a creative God. Amen? 

So the next time you feel like jamming to a new song, dancing for the Lord, or raising your hands in Sunday morning service, don't even hesitate! Maybe if we all stopped denying those "unconventional?" urges and just followed the leading of the Holy Spirit, we'd taste even more of Heaven's sweet delight. 

yummm...

That's a huge part of what the 2nd annual Imago Dei, the benefit concert on March 24th at Calvary Fellowship Church, is all about. To learn more click on the imago dei link above or take a peek at the statement I wrote up for last year's benefit. This year's proceeds will go to homeless organizations in Chester County. If you're around, come come come!! Don't Even Hesitate! I guarantee you will not regret it. 

My Daily Dose of Beauty

This past summer I invested in a new digital camera. Nothing too over-the-top, but complex enough that I'm still trying to figure out how to fully utilize all of its high-tech settings. After trying to capture our family vacation to Florida, our friend's wedding, a Philly's game or two, going to college, coming home for Fall Break, and the many memorable moments in between, I presently I find myself with the most precious little puppy sprawled across my lap on this year's Christmas Eve eve.

I absolutely love taking pictures. I love looking back and remembering. Making memories is one thing, but for me, holding on to them, appreciating and cherishing them, is of great value.

Out of the thousands of pictures I've taken since July, the vast majority has been of people and nature. Both of which radiate beauty from their core. But there's something about flowers in particular that has captured my eye.

Their vibrant color, delicate form, and breath of pureness, their complexity wrapped up in the beauty of simplicity, their ability to nourish, comfort, and inspire. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I love flowers. Along with the rest of nature's adornments, the eloquent beauty of a flower often provides me with my daily dose of beauty that my soul so desperately craves.

If we didn't need beauty in our lives, then God could've created a colorless, dreary, flowerless Earth in which we would feel satisfied living the mundane life. But if you stop for a minute amidst the chaos of last minute Christmas shopping, cooking, and cleaning, and look around, the beauty of creation speaks.

Its beauty invites us to linger, take it in, explore--and as we gaze upon the magnificent creation around us, we can catch a glimpse of the Creator's beauty as well, reminding us of the hope of eternity where more beauty awaits, ready to be unveiled upon our arrival.

This Christmas, don't busy yourself so much so that you miss your chance to stop and smell the roses (or the fresh pine and gingerbread cookies), to gaze upon the beauty all around you, and to draw near to and thank the God who encompasses the very essence of beauty and makes this season one worth celebrating.

Where I was about a year ago: The Awakening

I wanted to share with you an essay that I wrote over a year ago for my 12th grade AP English class, so you can get an idea of where I'm coming from. It is dated November 23, 2009.

A lot has changed since then. Now we have a somewhat conclusive diagnosis of Lyme disease. However, a lot has stayed the same.

It's best if you just read it.


The Awakening

As I awoke with another piercing migraine this morning, discouraging thoughts went racing through my head. I wondered if the pain would ever cease; if all the intercessory prayers, along with my own, would ever receive an affirmative response; if I would ever be able to enjoy my senior year of high school; if I would ever be on top again. Though my head was pounding, I arose from my warm and comfortable, queen-sized bed with a sigh, in order to arrive at yet another doctor’s appointment where I would undergo yet another diagnostic test. The fun just never ends.

This is a typical morning in the life of Elisabeth Edelman—a seventeen year old, chronic migraine sufferer. She has faced abounding disappointments, tainting every area of her life. Elisabeth’s view of hope is now as an unreachable, theoretical concept held captive behind a wall of suffering and despair that is built upon a firm foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her passions and desires are suppressed by the burdens of the present, and the future is uncertain. Once uncertainty and disappointment merge, discouragement accelerates.

As my mom ignored multiple speed limit signs while driving me to my appointment, I reflected on what had taken place the previous night. Being blindsided in a conversation with my director, I was informed that my spot in a prestigious performance group was questionable. Though I was shocked, I knew my health dictated the action. If I ever thought that my life was hard enough, a curve ball would hit me, thus, convincing me otherwise. In that moment, quiet tears of sadness streamed down my face, being replenished by an overwhelming sense of helplessness. I could do nothing to change the situation.

The performing arts give Elisabeth an outlet to express herself. They are therapeutic in distracting her from the constant, searing pain. The stage is also a place where Elisabeth can do what she does best—act as if she is not suffering. It provides Elisabeth with a mask that she can wear in addition to the armor of courage and stoicism she must put on everyday. While authenticity is adulterated when masks are worn off stage, masks are expected and required to be worn on stage. However, if Elisabeth’s stage mask were torn off, it would expose a young girl with a wounded spirit and hinder her expression of passion.

After returning home, taking medication, and resting my eyes in hope of relieving some pain, I craved a taste of the outside world, so I checked my e-mail. With little expectation that any message in my inbox could lift my heavy-laden spirit, I was pleasantly surprised by what I assumed would be just another pestering college reminder. It contained an encouraging quote that Abigail Adams had written in a letter to her son, John Quincy, “The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by the scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life and form the character of the hero and the statesman.” I was not quite sure how it happened, but when I finished reading that powerful quote, my anxious thoughts were silenced.

As Elisabeth sits back in her chair, something awakes inside her. Her hope has broken through the wall of suffering and despair, illuminating the foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her competitive nature has been refreshed, and she can now mentally prepare herself for battle against the opposition that currently wages war upon her entire being. Hope has transformed darkness into the light that guides Elisabeth through the despair of her present trial. Though she is in a season of grief, she knows that her pain is temporary while her hope is eternal.

I prayed the night before that God would remind me of what is essential in life, and He answered my prayer by restoring the hope that I had lost. Being caught in a storm of my own, I had lost sight of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I often pitied myself, and it consumed me. However, when I read Abigail Adams quote, I was inspired. I was reminded that my heart and mind are formed by the challenges I must face; without overcoming these obstacles, a crucial part of me remains dormant. Hope awakened my desire to endure this temporary pain in order that I may pursue my passions and live a joyous life again. I could lose everything, but if I have hope, I know I will be victorious.

Hope is the distinguishing factor separating despair and perseverance, and it is often found unexpectedly amidst struggle and hardship. Though at times it may seem as if hope has been captured by the high walls of despair, with a little faith and perseverance, hope can conquer those walls, take hold of passion and, thus, illuminate darkness. Character has the opportunity to develop the most when it is tested through the darkest trial; yet no light is too small for perseverance to be ignited, hope to be restored, and passion to be renewed. Ultimately, victory is won in the light.

Life-giving Joy

     Walking by faith and not by sight is the way of the few. We are innately more inclined to trust ourselves, relying on our own strength rather than to take a risk, a step of faith, and trust the Maker of the Universe, relying on His strength. I think one significant explanation of this comes from our misunderstanding of God’s will for our lives.
     We all desire to be happy. We wish for good health, safety for our loved ones, and comfort in material things like a warm house to live in, a nice car to drive, and fashionable clothes to wear. That’s along the lines of what everyone wants in life, right? And none of those wishes are bad.  The Declaration of Independence even states that “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness” are among our “unalienable rights,” and are the sovereign rights of man.
     I have to wonder though, if by viewing ourselves as entitled to happiness, or allowing our souls to be misdirected in sole pursuit of happiness, do we lose sight of the truth that God’s will for us is not to be happy, but joyful? Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit, which is produced in us when we are truly abiding in Christ (John 15:1-17). Happiness, however, is not listed as a fruit of the Spirit, and is a mere emotion based on changing circumstances. I encourage you to take a look at Ephesians 5:16-26 right now and check it out for yourself.
     The difference between happiness and joy is very important to understand, especially for the Christian. Picture Happiness being on one side of the Grand Canyon and Joy on the other. There is a great chasm separating the two. It would require enormous effort to cross over from the side of happiness to the side of joy, and you must expect the journey would be quite painful and exhausting. And that it is. Because joy does not come easy, I feel confident enough to suggest that few really ever experience it in this life.
     In his book Shattered Dreams: God’s Unexpected Path to Joy Larry Crabb writes, “Happy people rarely look for joy. They’re quite content with what they have. The foundation of their life consists of the blessings they enjoy.” This may easily describe many of us who live comfortably. Crabb further goes on to challenging that “Happy people do not love well. Joyful people do.” If this is true, and we know that the Greatest Commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself, then we need to seriously examine where we are right now. We as Christians are called to live a life of love. People should know us by our love. Maybe they don’t because we have yet to taste the fruit of joy for ourselves.
     He concludes with this convicting paragraph: “Only a few in any generation believe that the weight of knowing God is a blessing heavier (and by that I mean more wonderful) than every other. And those who believe it appear to have developed that conviction only through suffering. Happiness must be stripped away, forcibly, before joy can surface, before we will value and pursue dreams whose fulfillment produces true joy.”
    Leaving behind the pleasant feelings that pleasant circumstances generate in order to venture down the rocky road to joy is not easy. In order to experience true joy, though, and then love for real, we must experience deep suffering. Luckily for those who have placed their trust in Jesus Christ, there is hope. That hope, however, does not mean a life free from suffering. No. There is no shortcut to joy, but that’s for our own good. “For Jesus, the answer to suffering is to suffer intensely, and then to walk through that pain—through prayer, the Word, spiritual disciplines, and community—toward the center of your soul where above all else you desire God.” We must hurt when we hurt. We are not doing ourselves any favors by pretending we’re okay. Rushing recovery to escape the pain is no good either. Haste makes waste, right? But BE ENCOURAGED! “Shattered dreams are the prelude to joy. Always. In the middle of our pain, God is working for our joy. At some point, He works in ways we can see.”
     There is no greater joy than knowing and experiencing God. Apart from God, who is the giver of joy, we are unable to experience real love and love others, for God is love. Happiness found in temporary things will only last for a lifetime and then fade away. Joy rooted in hope that’s produced from suffering, however, will carry us through the hardships of this world and into the Heavenly realm of eternity where we will forever rest in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. That’s what makes this life worth living. I pray that you all find that life-giving joy. And remember, God works all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28).