Bird's Eye View

“Who stands fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom, or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith and in exclusive allegiance to God—the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God.”

 –Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

This week I’ve sensed a common theme of the need to stand firm in the faith in spite of pressures, fears, and struggles that tempt us to abandon the convictions and beliefs we hold in our hearts. Through my reading of Bonhoeffer's life and my reflections of Christ's example of suffering that he has left for us, I have been faced with the challenge to take God more seriously. Lest the saints cringe to see one’s perseverance in the faith diminish into the looming darkness, one must possess an undeniable responsibility to God’s call, stretching far beyond one’s self and suffering, that makes the muddy trek through hell on earth worth every inch. 

This dove, who has made her nest in the tree next to our porch, inspired me along the lines of this theme of perseverance and resilience, and so I've written her a short poem to conclude my post for this week. Please try to enjoy my attempt at poetry....

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 21

Innocent, pure, flawless Dove,

All too often have I underestimated your resilience. 

To my surprise, 

you remain steadfast to your duty: 

protecting your baby dove eggs

 even though blinded by the flashes of my camera and 

frightened by the dangerous blades of Daddy's trimmers. 

You know that I see you, and I know that you see me.

But this I must confess:

You have become the subject of my photo for the week

--I hope that's okay--

Not just for your beauty, though, 

for with you, there lies more beneath your fine feathers.

It is the strong will and dedication with which you respond to your call, 

which bids me to reevaluate my simple judgment on your kind. 

Your resistance to flight in the face of fear has inspired me, 

innocent, pure, flawless Dove,

to try to do the same.

Our Shatter-Proof Refuge

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 9/52

Have you ever not known how to start a story because the shock of the experience still floods your memory and seemingly drowns your words?  Because that's how I feel right now. Usually I just struggle with writer's block, but I think it's safe to say that this time, writer's shock has gotten to me. With that said, please bare with me if this post seems a little rough.

By looking at the picture I chose for week 9 of my 52 Week Project, you can see that something clearly rocked my world this past week. I purposefully took this picture crooked and faded its color to illustrate the impact that this freak accident has had on me.

Last weekend when I came home, I discovered this bullet hole in my bedroom mirror. Someone apparently had shot my room while I was at school. The bullet passed through the wall, a mere few inches above my bed, through my mirror and the wall on which it hung.  Needless to say, this caused quite a commotion in the Edelman household at 1:30 in the morning. I totally freaked out and, of course, woke up my parents too, so no one slept very well last Friday night.

My dad brought up a good point in the midst of the chaos and the disillusionment. We may think that our home is our refuge, a place of safety where no harm can reach us, but that is a disillusioned way of thinking. Dad reminded me that only the Lord is our refuge, our fortress, and our protector. I was curious and found out that the word "refuge" is used 95 times throughout the Bible, and it pretty much always refers to the Lord (or the cities of refuge which God set apart anyways).


2 Samuel 22:31 says, “As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him."

Psalm 5:11 says, "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

Psalm 34:8 says, "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."

Psalm 57:1 says, "Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed."

Psalm 62: 8 says, "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

Isaiah 25:4 says, "You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat."

Joel 3:16 says, "The LORD will roar from Zion and thunder from Jerusalem; the earth and the sky will tremble. But the LORD will be a refuge for his people, a stronghold for the people of Israel."

Nahum 1:7 says, "The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him"

Over and over, we read that God is a refuge for those who trust in Him. He has proven time and time again to us that He is trustworthy, that He is faithful. He is our rock, our strength, our hope. If we profess to believe that God is who He says He is, then we can take hold of the blessing of actively trusting Him in every area of our lives. That may look different for each person because we each have our own individual troubles, and only God knows the extent of our pain. In light of our dissimilarities, however, I think the outcome of trusting the Lord will reflect the same image of surrender, peace, and comfort in all of our hearts. Even if you can't see that image yet or feel its presence, I encourage you to persevere in faith, patience and trust because peace and comfort comes in time to the soul that takes refuge in the Lord.

In the same way that the bullet definitely made an impact on my mirror but did not shatter it completely, this experience really challenged my thoughts on what it means to trust God, but it did not shatter them completely. Different times throughout the week, I had the choice to trust God or to rely on my own strength to get me through. It was only through those hard times, those trials, those pieces of broken glass, that I saw God as my refuge, my fortress, and my protector. He has proven that He's trustworthy, so I'm going to trust Him---day by day, moment by moment---because no matter how many times Satan tries to take a shot at me, God will always be my shatter-proof refuge.

Take heart brothers and sisters and humbly receive God's blessings in disguise. May our weary and beaten souls find rest tonight in the One who saves.


"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.


It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.


Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
 ~ 2 Corinthians 2:7-18

Cloudy with a Chance of Joy

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 7/52

You could say with a great amount of accuracy that I had my head stuck in the clouds this week. I couldn't tell you why, but for some reason clouds have consumed much of my thoughts, hence, the winning cloud picture for week 7 of my 52 Week Project. Much of my time spent walking to and from class consisted of me gazing up toward the sky in wonder of this curious piece of God's creation. Some people like to think of God as a skilled artist who paints a new masterpiece on his canvas of sky each day. Others take a more scientific view, with concrete explanations for the variances of cloud formations and sunset hues. Either way I look at it, I can't help but marvel at the intelligence and creativity of Creator God.

I'm taking a class this semester in which we've read and discussed many essays on creation and related themes of creativity, conservation, and the like for the past three weeks. One of my main takeaways from this unit highlights the importance of valuing creation. I've always appreciated and enjoyed nature's beauty, but the past few weeks have stretched and deepened my appreciation and enjoyment even more so. In light of the fact that God passionately values his creation, every single part--he saw that all of it was very good--I have come to the understanding that there is more to appreciate, enjoy, and value than only creation's beauty. Although beauty speaks to the depths of my being, I'm discovering a deeper message tucked under the surface of my initial awestruck gaze.

Just as an artist puts his heart and soul into his masterpiece, I'm convinced that has God woven pieces of himself into the fabric of his creation. Each strand encompasses a distinctly divine meaning and uniquely expresses the very nature of God. Up close, we can examine the details of nature which speak volumes by themselves; stepping back, we try to see the whole picture, aided by the gift of photography, bird's eye view images, and our wildly vivid imaginations and memories of nature at its finest. Then we catch a glimpse of the greatness of God.

Taking an up close and personal look at clouds this week, I was blessed on a number of occasions to experience the joy and peace of seeing rays of glorious light beaming down from the sea of clouds above. For some reason, I always seem to acknowledge the presence of light more when clouds also fill in pieces of the picture. The combination of their contrast and reflective qualities with my human attraction and need for light brings me to consider why God would value clouds so much as to call them good. So often, we associate clouds with negativity, gloomy (usually headache-filled) days that block out our dearly loved sun. People usually steer away from others who have "cloudy" dispositions. Cloudy days can really put a damper on our plans. And yet, God declares clouds as good, for they serve the vital role of watering the earth which makes the plants grow, sustains creation, and brings new life.

In recognizing the necessity of clouds, I can see more clearly the necessity of trials. Like clouds, we don't particularly care for trials; both bring headaches, make us gloomy, tired, and desperate for the light. Like clouds, trials can put a big damper on our plans. Like clouds, thank God, trials also come and go. The storms of life may rage for a season, but when the winds settle, the skies will clear. Like clouds, trials can quench our dry and thirsty souls if we choose to dance in the rain instead of hide under our umbrellas of pride, pity, and self-dependence. Like clouds, trials can increase our sensitivity to our need for the Light. Like clouds, trials play an irreplaceable role in growing and sustaining us through the course of our lives.

I'm thankful for the fruit that trials can ultimately produce in us. I'm thankful for the Light of the world that breaks through, beaming rays of joy and peace in the darkness of our hardships. I'm thankful for all the blessings that God's Creation speaks.

Lessons of Trust

Being sick, I have much more free time in my day than most people. In fact, I would venture to say that more often than not, my free time significantly outweighs the time I spend doing things I must do. Some days I value all the time I have to myself, but other days I long for more structure, for something that I have to do. Today has been a nice balance of both.

The three things I absolutely had to do included calling in a refill on a prescription I needed, getting in touch with my doctor about adding in more antibiotics, and connecting with my admissions counselor at Messiah College (where God-willing, I’ll be attending in the fall!). By two o’clock in the afternoon I finished everything! Most of you probably won’t be able to understand, but small feats like that are big accomplishments for me. Although my To-do List each day isn’t very long, it usually does take all day to complete everything.

Once that was done, I pretty much had the rest of the day to do with as I pleased. My activity of choice was reading. I do love to read, especially when I learn valuable lessons from the wisdom of the authors who I respect greatly. Last night I had read the first ten chapters (they were very short chapters) of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. I had always wanted to read her books because she spelled her name the same way I spell mine--with an ‘s’ instead of a ‘z’—and this one caught my eye as I was looking through our church’s library one night a couple weeks ago. The book is due this Sunday, so I thought it’s time I get to reading it if I want to finish it on time.

So far, it has told the beautiful story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot’s relationship as they waited on the Lord for many years before they announced their engagement and were married. All throughout the chapters, Elisabeth includes timely scripture and portions of journal entries and letters she’s received from various people asking for her advice. Her wisdom is profound and she writes in a way that makes me want to keep reading more.

However, after finishing chapter 18 which is entitled, What Providence Has Gone and Done, I paused taking it all in and I knew I had to write about it. So I forced myself to put down the book, made a strawberry and pineapple smoothie, and here I am, about to share with you the incredibly insightful words I just read. Are you ready?? It’s good stuff. A “spiritual yummy” as a dear friend of mine likes to say. Mhmmm. ☺

Ahhh where to start? I wish I could copy the whole chapter so you could read it, but I’ll do my best to summarize. Forgive me if I write too much. Summarizing is not one of my gifts. Here it goes….

Jim and Elisabeth have professed their love for each other but must spend a great deal of time apart. Elisabeth has described her agonies of the soul. She is lovesick; yet, not reluctant to do what God wants her to do. She is determined to obey, but wonders, “Is it absolutely necessary for God to yank out of sight whatever we most prize, to drag us into spiritual traumas of the severest sort, to strip us naked in the winds of His purifying Spirit in order that we should learn to trust?” She admits that she’s overreacting over her love life and considers the real tribulation of the Apostle Paul. “Talk about lessons in trust,” she writes. “Have a look at what [he] suffered: shipwrecks, flogging, public lashings, imprisonment, chains, stocks, starvation, nakedness—all heaped on a man who, in spite of years of having persecuted Christians, had been transformed in an instant into God’s faithful servant.” And yet Paul’s testimony of trust is unwavering. In Romans 8:31-39 Paul declares,

“31What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us? 32God did not keep back his own Son, but he gave him for us. If God did this, won't he freely give us everything else? 33If God says his chosen ones are acceptable to him, can anyone bring charges against them? 34Or can anyone condemn them? No indeed! Christ died and was raised to life, and now he is at God's right side, speaking to him for us. 35Can anything separate us from the love of Christ? Can trouble, suffering, and hard times, or hunger and nakedness, or danger and death? 36It is exactly as the Scriptures say,
"For you we face death
all day long.
We are like sheep
on their way
to be butchered."
37In everything we have won more than a victory because of Christ who loves us. 38I am sure that nothing can separate us from God's love--not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, 39and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!”

Here’s the point of all this…. “Paul did not escape trouble. He was not exempt from human woes…Yet he was able to say he was winning the victory through Him who has proved His love for us. How? How had he proved His love? – Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature…The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love—that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us—not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

Those are some strong words. But that’s total truth right there. Elisabeth speaks from years of experience, and continues by applying this truth to her love life dilemma. “Perhaps matters of the heart would seem like little things to Paul. I have a haunch they would. Well then—what about those? Can they put us beyond His love and redemption? The point is that we have to learn to trust in little things, even in what may seem like silly things, if we are ever going to be privileged to suffer in the big things….It’s no use trying to measure suffering. What matters is making the right use of it, taking advantage of the sense of helplessness it brings to turn one’s thoughts to God. Trust is the lesson. Jesus loves me, this I know—not because He does just what I’d like, but because the Bible tells me so. Calvary proves it. He loved me and gave Himself for me.”

Well, I think Elisabeth said it all. This was perfect timing for me, especially with Good Friday and Easter coming so soon. It served as a good reminder for me, and I thought it’d be easier to share it this way. I hope you’re blessed by it as well.

Luke 16:10 ~ “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

<3

The Best TastyKake Ever

Today I had a TastyKake. A chocolate KandyKake to be exact. Dark chocolate on the outside with chocolate cake lined with vanilla cream on the inside. After six or so weeks of a strict, low-fat vegan diet, I thought I deserved a treat. Besides, it was a miserable, rainy day, and my head already hurt. That was my reasoning. So I went ahead, indulged my craving, and let me tell you...nothing could have tasted better.

I felt a little guilty afterwards, knowing I'd pay for it later, but it was so worth it. The highlight of my day even. So much so that I'm writing about it now, on my blog that I rarely feel inspired enough to post. But it was just that good. And the whole ordeal got me to thinking.

As sinful human beings, we are more prone to give into temptation when we are weak, run-down, tired, and hurting--although rainy days don't help either. It's times like these that we lose sight of the goal and fail to persevere toward the finish line. This seems to go in cycles too. I can at least speak for myself that it does. One day I'll be strong and able to resist temptation, whatever it may be--even as simple as avoiding sweets because they're bad for me--and then the next day I'll be weak and indulge in the best TastyKake of my life! I've been thinking about this all day. Like many things, I knew there was a deeper, spiritual meaning just waiting to be uncovered, because "everything is spiritual" as Rob Bell would say.

Just a moment ago, I found this online devotional posted on a friend's Facebook page, and I clicked on it, hoping to read something inspiring, refreshing, strengthening. I believe it satisfies my quandary. Here's a little excerpt:

Delayed 

"Know of a surety that thy seed shall be sojourners in a land that is not theirs; . . . they shall afflict them four hundred years; . . . and afterward they shall come out with great substance" (Gen. 15:12-14).

     An assured part of God's pledged blessing to us is delay and suffering. A delay in Abram's own lifetime that seemed to put God's pledge beyond fulfillment was followed by seemingly unendurable delay of Abram's descendants. But it was only a delay: they "came out with great substance." The pledge was redeemed.

     God is going to test me with delays; and with the delays will come suffering, but through it all stands God's pledge: His new covenant with me in Christ, and His inviolable promise of every lesser blessing that I need. The delay and the suffering are part of the promised blessing; let me praise Him for them today; and let me wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen my heart.

     --C. G. Trumbull

                                     
Is God delaying something in your life? If so, be encouraged and take heart because delay is part of His pledge. We will be tempted by the TastyKakes in our lives to give up on God's plan for us when we are in the midst of the battle; yet, the hardship is part of the blessing. This is not a masochistic philosophy. However, I've learned that although pain comes when God prunes away the dead branches from my heart that bear no fruit, when I abide in his loving arms, He faithfully restores me and I thrive as a result (John 15). Even when we can't see Him working on the outside, we can have faith that he is doing a good work within us. That's the other part of the blessing of His promise to his children.

God is the potter. We are the clay. Our job is to be moldable. He is constantly working to refine us, and it's easier if we listen and open our hearts to His. In what areas is He desiring to mold and refine you today?

"Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.

We are the clay, you are the potter;

we are all the work of your hand."

Isaiah 64:8

Where I was about a year ago: The Awakening

I wanted to share with you an essay that I wrote over a year ago for my 12th grade AP English class, so you can get an idea of where I'm coming from. It is dated November 23, 2009.

A lot has changed since then. Now we have a somewhat conclusive diagnosis of Lyme disease. However, a lot has stayed the same.

It's best if you just read it.


The Awakening

As I awoke with another piercing migraine this morning, discouraging thoughts went racing through my head. I wondered if the pain would ever cease; if all the intercessory prayers, along with my own, would ever receive an affirmative response; if I would ever be able to enjoy my senior year of high school; if I would ever be on top again. Though my head was pounding, I arose from my warm and comfortable, queen-sized bed with a sigh, in order to arrive at yet another doctor’s appointment where I would undergo yet another diagnostic test. The fun just never ends.

This is a typical morning in the life of Elisabeth Edelman—a seventeen year old, chronic migraine sufferer. She has faced abounding disappointments, tainting every area of her life. Elisabeth’s view of hope is now as an unreachable, theoretical concept held captive behind a wall of suffering and despair that is built upon a firm foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her passions and desires are suppressed by the burdens of the present, and the future is uncertain. Once uncertainty and disappointment merge, discouragement accelerates.

As my mom ignored multiple speed limit signs while driving me to my appointment, I reflected on what had taken place the previous night. Being blindsided in a conversation with my director, I was informed that my spot in a prestigious performance group was questionable. Though I was shocked, I knew my health dictated the action. If I ever thought that my life was hard enough, a curve ball would hit me, thus, convincing me otherwise. In that moment, quiet tears of sadness streamed down my face, being replenished by an overwhelming sense of helplessness. I could do nothing to change the situation.

The performing arts give Elisabeth an outlet to express herself. They are therapeutic in distracting her from the constant, searing pain. The stage is also a place where Elisabeth can do what she does best—act as if she is not suffering. It provides Elisabeth with a mask that she can wear in addition to the armor of courage and stoicism she must put on everyday. While authenticity is adulterated when masks are worn off stage, masks are expected and required to be worn on stage. However, if Elisabeth’s stage mask were torn off, it would expose a young girl with a wounded spirit and hinder her expression of passion.

After returning home, taking medication, and resting my eyes in hope of relieving some pain, I craved a taste of the outside world, so I checked my e-mail. With little expectation that any message in my inbox could lift my heavy-laden spirit, I was pleasantly surprised by what I assumed would be just another pestering college reminder. It contained an encouraging quote that Abigail Adams had written in a letter to her son, John Quincy, “The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by the scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life and form the character of the hero and the statesman.” I was not quite sure how it happened, but when I finished reading that powerful quote, my anxious thoughts were silenced.

As Elisabeth sits back in her chair, something awakes inside her. Her hope has broken through the wall of suffering and despair, illuminating the foundation of unfortunate circumstances. Her competitive nature has been refreshed, and she can now mentally prepare herself for battle against the opposition that currently wages war upon her entire being. Hope has transformed darkness into the light that guides Elisabeth through the despair of her present trial. Though she is in a season of grief, she knows that her pain is temporary while her hope is eternal.

I prayed the night before that God would remind me of what is essential in life, and He answered my prayer by restoring the hope that I had lost. Being caught in a storm of my own, I had lost sight of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I often pitied myself, and it consumed me. However, when I read Abigail Adams quote, I was inspired. I was reminded that my heart and mind are formed by the challenges I must face; without overcoming these obstacles, a crucial part of me remains dormant. Hope awakened my desire to endure this temporary pain in order that I may pursue my passions and live a joyous life again. I could lose everything, but if I have hope, I know I will be victorious.

Hope is the distinguishing factor separating despair and perseverance, and it is often found unexpectedly amidst struggle and hardship. Though at times it may seem as if hope has been captured by the high walls of despair, with a little faith and perseverance, hope can conquer those walls, take hold of passion and, thus, illuminate darkness. Character has the opportunity to develop the most when it is tested through the darkest trial; yet no light is too small for perseverance to be ignited, hope to be restored, and passion to be renewed. Ultimately, victory is won in the light.