This Is The Story Of A Girl......

Only two more days of class left, then finals, and then I'm done my first year of college! I don't know where the time went. My mom has always said that the college years will be the fastest four (or five) years of my life. At the rate things are going, I think she's probably going to be right.

This past week has been crazy with finishing up papers and projects, and unfortunately, I haven't had as much quiet time with the Lord as I've needed. I was reading Psalm 139 this morning and was reminded of the reality of God's presence that I tend to lose sight of when I get wrapped up in the busyness of life.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 17/52

I feel like sometimes life seems more like riding a train. We get on knowing our final destination, but not being in control, we're not completely sure how we're going to get there.

The Conductor, however, knows the course. Even in our complaining about the multiple stops that must be made along on the way, we trust Him. After all, if we didn't, we wouldn't still be riding His train, right?

So, those were my thoughts this morning after reading Psalm 139 and reflecting on my week.

Since my metaphor has lots of holes in it, maybe it'd be better if you all just read God's Word for yourselves. . .

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;  you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. 

If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  ~  Psalm 139:1-24

I hope you all enjoy the picture for week 17 of my 52 Week Project, and remember that even when it doesn't feel like God's in control, He's the one who set down the tracks and knows the course full well.

Wet Hair and Wishes

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 16/52

A friendly hello to Week 16 of my 52 Week Project and to the hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dandelions springing up all over my backyard!! I remember as a kid searching for the fullest white dandelions, plucking them out of the ground, and making a wish as I blew the seeds away, hoping they would all disappear with the wind and somehow make my wish come true. Now I just take pictures of them and use them as illustrations for larger topics.

It's funny how time has a way of changing us: our thoughts, actions, and priorities. Looking back on our old selves (or young selves) we all can pinpoint at least one thing that we know now which has greatly influenced and changed us.

For me, it's not just my perception of dandelions, but of faith. When I was younger, I used to think of faith more like wishing on a dandelion. I would say prayers to God and hope that he would hear them and make my wishes come true. I thought maybe if I prayed hard enough, my words would make it up to Heaven like the dandelion seeds floating away with the wind.

I'm not sure when I realized that my dandelion, wishful faith was not the kind that the Bible talks about, but I've been writing this really long paper (that's due this Thursday!) on the influence of faith on my family dynamic, which has forced me to define what true faith really means. The first verse that comes to mind for a definition of faith is Hebrews 11:1 which says, "Faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you cannot see." But even that definition, I think at least, has holes. After all, I hope for a lot of things and there are many things that I can't see, so what is this verse talking about?

I think 1 Peter 1:3-9 sums it up pretty well. It answers my question from Hebrews 11 and then some. Take a look:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Q: What aspect of faith do we hope for?
A: An inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade, which is kept in Heaven for us as we are now being shielded by God's power until that day that we receive what we've hoped for --- of this we can be sure.

Q: What aspect of faith do we not see?
A: Jesus Christ, the object and the giver of our faith --- of Christ we can be certain.

Q: Is faith important?
A: Yes! It's of greater worth than gold!

Q: Why do we have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials?
A: So that our faith may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when we see Jesus face to face. After all, anything that's true should stand the test of trials.

Like I said earlier in this post, I don't know the day that I realized faith is more than wishful thinking, but I know that I've gained a clearer perspective on faith through the pain and suffering that I've endured. That's not to say that faith is just a resource that I pull out when times are tough. Rather, through trials and hardships, I've had to face the challenging question of "Who am I?" In faith, I recognize that I am a dearly loved child of God. If the storms of life must come to wash away the dirt that masks my true identity, than bring on the rain. If you ask me, a genuine faith and an inexpressible and glorious joy are most certainly worth getting my hair wet for.


Still have questions? Feel free to leave a comment or email me with anything that's on your heart.  

Not Faking It No More

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 15/52
This picture has significant meaning to me, 
but I've chosen not to explain it here.
I hope that you all can still appreciate it for what it is
& how it touches your hearts.

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." ~ Psalm 61:2

This has been a really hard week for my family. Grief brings many strong emotions, unanswered questions, and tears. We know that we need not grieve like those who have no hope, but hope doesn't always answer the questions. Many times throughout this week, I've felt the sustaining power of hope in the course of the day and the long, restless nights. This hope is able to comfort our aching souls in the midst of a painful loss, however, I've found that the anguish I feel still remains.

How quickly we forget that even those who have faith in the God of all comfort can experience intense emotional pain. This week reminded me of that for sure. I've asked God lots of questions; I've been open and honest with how overwhelmed I've felt by the shock; I've sobbed spontaneously on more than one, two, or three occasions. I cannot tell you that I have it all together, or that I feel complete peace in my heart. Chaos and confusion surround me. Doubt and disbelief fille my thoughts. My emotions certainly do not seem to logically reflect my faith. . . and honestly, that bothers me.

Even in knowing the truth of God's word, of his unfailing love, grief has the unmatched ability to cloud my understanding or experience of what I know in my head to be true. I don't get how grief can do that so effectively. I haven't taken a class on death, grief, and dying yet, though I plan to at some point for my minor. Maybe then I'll be able to explain the powerful effects of grief. But for now, all I know is my experience of it.

I've been tempted to criticize myself for not having a "strong enough" faith, evidenced by my intense anguish I've felt recently over a tragic loss in our family. But criticism doesn't seem right either. During those times, I try remind myself of the account of when Jesus was in the garden on the Mount of Olives the night before his cruxificion. After Jesus prays his prayer, "...not my will, but yours be done" Luke writes in chapter 22 that "an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground" (v. 42-44).

The thing that I love the most about these few verses is that even after the angel came and strengthened Jesus, he was still in anguish. Jesus--God incarnate--was in anguish. I can only imagine that Jesus must have been grieving over his own death before it came to pass, although that probably only begins to scratch the surface of the mix of emotions that he must've felt that night.

There's no doubt that my hope is in the Lord my God, who strengthens me in my weakness, hears me when I call, and knows each tear that falls from my face---I know this to be true---yet, grief and anguish have consumed much of my energy this past week. My heart is still not yet at ease, but I've felt God's presence in the midst of that. He has handled me and the hot mess that I am very well. Surely if Jesus could express his anguish even after being divinely strengthened, he must understand.

So I'm not going to fake that I'm okay. I'm still confused and hurt, but I think that God needs our hurt and pain. He probably wants us to give it to him because after all, Jesus died to take on all the sins of the world, and isn't sin at the root of any hurt or pain we experience? Hiding our pain from him or just trying to stuff it down and ignore it doesn't do anyone any good. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be feeling the things that I feel, but seriously, when it comes down it, God already knows us more than we know ourselves, so expressing our feelings to Him isn't going to come as a shock. His love for us is unconditional. By taking that in, we can all let out a big sigh of relief!

We are not commanded or expected to "have it all together" or know all the "right" answers or be "completely sure" of every aspect of our faith. God's grace is sufficient, even in our weakness, in our confusion, and in our doubts. His love is unfailing even when we don't understand the how or the why.

"I spread out my hands to you;

my soul thirsts for you like a 

parched land."

~ Psalm 143:6

"We wait in hope for the Lord; 

           he is our help and our shield. 

In him our hearts rejoice, 

          for we trust in his holy name. 

May your unfailing love rest upon us, 

O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."
~ Psalm 33:20-22

Surely Alive

I'm always pleasantly surprised when Spring persuades the flowers to finally bloom. After the winter's stretch of cold, dreary days--especially when the snow doesn't even come to brighten things up a bit--I find great joy in passing gardens full of flowers on my way to and from class. Even though I'm probably allergic to all of them, their beauty never ceases to make me smile. . . and so, here you have my picture for week 14 of my 52 Week Project!

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 14/52

It's amazing how such simple things like Springtime flowers, an encouraging note, or a surprise visit from a best friend (thanks Andrea!!) can cheer us up and remind us that life really is good.


When I think about how happy those "little" things make me and think about the "big" thing, or rather the biggest thing which was Jesus Christ's death and resurrection---the reason why we celebrate Easter---I'm completely blown away, struck in utter amazement by God's love for this world.


The fact that Jesus surrendered his own human will in order to obey his Father's will, take on the sins of this world, both yours and mine, in addition to God's wrath, which was poured out upon him, so that we could have eternal life and forever be in God's presence in Heaven one day. . . surely that is the greatest love that anyone could ever know.

Because Jesus Christ overcame the cross and the grave, thus defeating sin and death, rose on the third day, and now lives and reigns victorious on High, we should offer up thanksgiving and praise everyday in response to the One who gives us life and breath.


Not only does God sustain us physically, he desires that we experience life abundant, which we can only know through an abiding relationship with Him. This spiritual life that he offers is available to anyone who puts his or her hope and trust in Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross, resurrection, and life.

In confidence, we can proclaim, as Kristian Stanfield writes, 

"My God's not dead, He's surely alive, and He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!!" 

(this song has been stuck in my head all weekend. I couldn't help but share it. Hope you all like it!)

I hope that on this Easter day, we'll all rejoice in the life that we can have in Christ. May we never cease to smile at its amazing goodness. Just as winter passes and spring brings new life, Jesus' death and resurrection allows us the chance to be made new, to live again---to smile our way through the storms---and to experience love that transforms us into who we were created to be regardless of the season in which we find ourselves.